tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25750476413482445972024-03-13T00:54:21.236-04:00DevotionsInside the thoughts and ponderings of Carly.Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.comBlogger457125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-22198397771140836622023-03-16T19:24:00.002-04:002023-03-16T19:24:38.080-04:00Dancing is my CALLING<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC-v6j7M0FyTrT-VhIIJ17f3tcnWFG_k_ph7mUINB-AMMkXEOPhPxIvbovgTsetg2nCA3H3gTIovRMrRzY5aqkxIo9FWyNy7KJAhOO10TS4ajv5KsyAqOI2Q8mLBCvmYWVM8Cu_G4VRgSddTgf1HK0WRzQ2gRrwHh0i2Bj8bkvqpRxwn1TUOBNgquywQ/s982/Screen%20Shot%202023-03-16%20at%207.23.54%20PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="964" data-original-width="982" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC-v6j7M0FyTrT-VhIIJ17f3tcnWFG_k_ph7mUINB-AMMkXEOPhPxIvbovgTsetg2nCA3H3gTIovRMrRzY5aqkxIo9FWyNy7KJAhOO10TS4ajv5KsyAqOI2Q8mLBCvmYWVM8Cu_G4VRgSddTgf1HK0WRzQ2gRrwHh0i2Bj8bkvqpRxwn1TUOBNgquywQ/s320/Screen%20Shot%202023-03-16%20at%207.23.54%20PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><p>If you know me, you know I'm not the best at pivoting from "the plan." I wanted to title this post "Go with the Flow," but it felt too weird for me to write. Unnatural. I'll get to the "dancing" bit in a minute... The phrase "go with the flow" has just been stuck on the brain and felt the need to start out that way.</p><p>As I'm learning to trust God more, the more I'm finding that His ways are not only better for me, but stronger than mine... He's going to get His way regardless. His <i>good</i> and <i>perfect</i> way.</p><p>And since I'm still stuck on this whole "calling" thing (thanks, John Mark Comer's <i>Garden City</i>), I've been meeting with trusted friends and mentors to speak some truth over next steps in my career. I'm excited to share that after countless coffees, phone calls, texts, and root beers, I think I've found the answer!</p><p>Are you ready? </p><p>Are you sure?</p><p>The answer is: just go with the flow.</p><p>...</p><p>...WHAT?!</p><p>That's right-- I can pick the brains of other teachers, and principals, and social workers, and ministry directors, and they can all have a lot of great advice to share. (I've even been prayed for by a few amazing people over the past few weeks, and feel so blessed by the peace that comes from their supplication!) And yet, the only voice I really <i>need</i> to hear is the still, small voice of my Father, calmly guiding me like a leaf floating down a gentle stream.</p><p><span style="font-size: large;">He's opening doors, people. And He's closing other doors. And he's guiding and moving the stream so that I can just trust Him and obey.</span></p><p>I have this vision of a leaf on a stream, but I don't want it to seem like I'm just passively (lazily) waiting around for God to sort everything out for me. (Although-- Could He do that if He wanted to? Absolutely. One hundred percent. <i>If</i> <i>that's in Your will... be my guest, Jesus!</i>)</p><p>There's this delicate dance I'm trying to figure out, and it goes something like this:</p><p>1. I feel God nudging me</p><p>2. I try and "figure it out" right away, giving in to fear and my need for control</p><p>3. The doors to the paths I was pursuing are closed, because they weren't the doors for me in the first place</p><p>4. God gently nudges me again. A door opens</p><p>5. I sprint through the door, arrive safely inside of it, and then think, "Wait... what do you even want for me in here, God?"</p><p>6. I realize that when I'm always on the move, looking to the next thing or worrying about the future, I can't hear His promptings as easily. I veer off course.</p><p>7. I'm gently nudged back towards Him and I course-correct</p><p>8. (Repeat)</p><p>All of that is to say that I am noticing how much easier life can be when I'm seeking God's face all the time instead of fixing my eyes on the future. To just enjoy sweet time with Him and draw closer to Him makes all the difference. I love this analogy written by Parker Palmer: </p><p>"The soul is like a wild animal – tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. <span style="font-size: large;">But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of the tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek."</span></p><p>So, here I go... into the wild. Dancing.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-18743598555944946632023-01-22T13:27:00.004-05:002023-03-16T19:27:36.831-04:00Cheerleading is my CALLING<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7lqpHXhg59YAh6Y6jf_tTwXbsz4GBC327SCwhRSv7JxmppG9dGZ5vk-FqSqIbMYHNeKzIgZbRuBv9FSDVEVGAPjbtRcymN69MAZaTU3YhJ0OkCV6zfQ1i97yNbzQSrFRtvCN30v5tOjdGFOet8rBLfioiVaUPgmV61MQLJDTgT-54vN4j6kc2t5yszQ/s928/Screen%20Shot%202023-03-16%20at%207.25.06%20PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="928" data-original-width="610" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7lqpHXhg59YAh6Y6jf_tTwXbsz4GBC327SCwhRSv7JxmppG9dGZ5vk-FqSqIbMYHNeKzIgZbRuBv9FSDVEVGAPjbtRcymN69MAZaTU3YhJ0OkCV6zfQ1i97yNbzQSrFRtvCN30v5tOjdGFOet8rBLfioiVaUPgmV61MQLJDTgT-54vN4j6kc2t5yszQ/s320/Screen%20Shot%202023-03-16%20at%207.25.06%20PM.png" width="210" /></a></div><p>When I was 12 years old, I learned how to do a round-off back hand-spring. It took me months of private lessons at the local YMCA and many, many awkward moments of trying to do a <i>standing</i> back hand-spring with my instructor "spotting me," only for me to chicken out at the last minute and come crashing into her... the full weight of my body... plummeting onto her as I apologized and said, "I'm sorry... I just can't do it!"</p><p>It was so embarrassing-- with her holding her hand under my back and supporting my awkward pre-teen body while I continuously failed, over and over, somewhere between 10-15 times a lesson.</p><p>Nevertheless, I persisted. I was able to do the thing eventually - literally once - all by myself. For a panel of cheerleading coaches during 7th-grade try-outs. And once I didn't make the team, I never did it again.</p><p>You may be asking, "<i>Why</i> did you do that, Carly? Why did you try so hard at something you never even kept up with? Wasn't that a <i>waste</i>?"</p><p>And because this seems like a "glass half-empty" or "glass half-full" situation, I realize that I can choose to either respond with: </p><p>1. "Absolutely- a waste of hundreds of dollars, thousands of tears, and a million embarrassing pre-teen gymnastics blunders."</p><p>OR with,</p><p>2. "Everything happens for a reason! Nothing is wasted!"</p><p>Which response will I choose? <i>I think that's what this post is actually all about.</i></p><p>I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of a calling - or vocation, or career, or whatever you want to call it - and whether or not it exists. I think "callings" can be easily associated with the idea of finding "the one" when you're dating, which is pretty elusive and unrealistic, honestly. I'm happily married to my husband and believe that we have a healthy, thriving marriage... but not because I found my magical soul-mate on a dating app a few years ago. It wasn't one fateful moment that made everything perfect-- it's hard work and sacrifice and dedication to one another, day after day. And it's great.</p><p>But I think callings are different in that <span style="font-size: large;">I <i>do</i> believe there's a certain element that is hardwired into each and every one of us - by God - that aligns with a unique way in which He calls us to grow the Kingdom and bring glory to Himself.</span> It's not a mystical "secret sauce" that everyone has to discover in order to live a meaningful life, but there does seem to be some truth in finding a vocation that "fits you."</p><p>I'm reading John Mark Comer's <i>Garden City</i> and agree with what he says about vocations-- that we must ask ourselves what we're passionate about, what we're good at, what we're bad at, what the world needs, what God is blessing, what others say about us, what doors have been opened... Basically take all of those things and find where they intersect. Chances are, that's your "vocation."</p><p>And for me, perhaps not surprisingly, it turns out becoming a professional cheerleader was <i>not</i> actually my calling. I was not very good, others also didn't think I was that good, and the doors were closed shut, almost immediately.</p><p>Here's the thing, too - I didn't even really <i>like</i> being a cheerleader. I didn't really fit in. My moves weren't great and I knew it. I was awful at the gymnastics part, and gearing up to go to all those private lessons felt like pure dread every single time. It felt forced and unnatural. <span style="font-size: large;">That's not how callings are supposed to feel. </span></p><p>And that's a silly example, because I don't think I actually ever considered cheerleading to be my "calling," BUT it's a helpful analogy. Because here's what I <i>do</i> think may be part of my vocation...</p><p>Cheerleading. (Confused yet?)</p><p>Maybe "encouragement" is a better word. I love to encourage others. I love speaking life and truth and hope over people. I love to call out what they're good at, or encourage them to grow in areas they <i>aren't</i> good at... I live to build people up. And unless I become a life coach, I don't think encouraging others in this way is a career, per say, so I thought of cheerleading instead. And here we are.<i> (Side note: should I become a life coach? What does that even mean?)</i></p><p>I began college with a double major in Spanish and Psychology because I wanted to be a counselor. I went through some counseling in high school, so I knew firsthand how helpful counseling can be, and I wanted to help people, so voilà! I <i>thought</i> I had it in the bag. Turns out, after three weeks of Intro to Psychology, I realized it was not for me. Too much science, not enough encouraging people. </p><p>Then I thought I wanted to work for a non-profit or a social enterprise, because I wanted to use my entrepreneurial spirit to disrupt the markets in a way that brought justice and balance to the economy and its workers. I worked for a social enterprise for two years after graduating with two business degrees... And once again, I didn't feel I had that greater purpose - even in a purpose-driven industry - that would be able to sustain me forever. I was burnt out and visionless. </p><p>I asked myself hard questions about the meaning of work, like why do we have to work at all? Work just seemed so futile at the time. It felt fruitless and I was living for the days I had off. Work was "the grind," and I didn't feel like I could breathe or rest because I felt like I was always "on-call," always working.</p><p>My solution? Find a job where you get more time off... In, you guessed it... education.</p><p>To be fair, that's not the only reason I went back to school to become a teacher. I was casting a vision for my family one day, wanting to be able to spend summers with my kids. I wanted a job that I could truly "unplug" from every once in a while. And I loved teaching people about the ethics behind coffee, so I thought maybe teaching was my vocation all along, hidden behind a marketing degree and years of running an urban coffee roasterie.<br /></p><p>It turns out that teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL) in a public elementary school is <i>not</i> the same kind of teaching that I did back in the coffee world. It's so much harder, and more stressful, and frustrating at times... but it also has way more opportunities to speak life and hope to people. And not just any people-- <span style="font-size: large;">the future generations of this world! </span></p><p>So why do I still feel like I am searching for meaning, or affirmation of a "calling?" Am I putting too much stock into the whole idea? Is a job truly "just a job?" like I've been told?</p><p>I'm going to keep reading, keep praying, and keep writing to find out... So stay tuned.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-70932052762244592442022-08-09T22:20:00.003-04:002022-08-09T22:33:52.602-04:00Oneness<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd0h2JDZzsMGlp74J-W9L8DHI5nQAZaSR0dIz0yoIoMlFsEeVyMKxuGxZyVD7Z80i8-aDdSSE6zi0jSzSjH2aMqsKXR-NMQPXevXelwyaeHP9MkU9LsQHdzsjIkNCw885ScTJ0ndfMbw2x5zXYN3rLDP1CeOHuEpPyKJ9oVkYVK31MRzrpZEW4Y9lY_w/s4032/IMG_1806.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd0h2JDZzsMGlp74J-W9L8DHI5nQAZaSR0dIz0yoIoMlFsEeVyMKxuGxZyVD7Z80i8-aDdSSE6zi0jSzSjH2aMqsKXR-NMQPXevXelwyaeHP9MkU9LsQHdzsjIkNCw885ScTJ0ndfMbw2x5zXYN3rLDP1CeOHuEpPyKJ9oVkYVK31MRzrpZEW4Y9lY_w/s320/IMG_1806.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>The air smells like rain. It rained much earlier today, but ironically, in the heat of summer, the air seems frozen in time. It is warm, but not hot. Evening. On a Tuesday... my last Tuesday of summer break. </p><p>Something was drawing me outside tonight... the way the sun's rays were entering our home and dancing on the piano made me wonder what the sky must look like from our front porch. I caught glimpses of what I had imagined it must look like outside... on our now-pink tinted walls, through warm, orange cracks in the curtains. I had to see what the sky looked like, in all of its full glory. The tiny glimpses I caught through the glass pieces in our door just weren't cutting it.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpexo4kywa8moE_PqT68prDVHXZ2BdAWsQxaSJBcZzf5DU5mWJzF0gk5eJ-BaHiV-hL0q4-_v00mgd5qH-QbfzAz6Rcrj4tuP9mLaLfqiYEZ6EEpYiS-kjyEL3tCMlVWRhfNH_6DAyygaQXt0egNcI9tP5b3agY8koOEFWzSRS31jgTxzqidNLdB7cAg/s4032/IMG_0734.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpexo4kywa8moE_PqT68prDVHXZ2BdAWsQxaSJBcZzf5DU5mWJzF0gk5eJ-BaHiV-hL0q4-_v00mgd5qH-QbfzAz6Rcrj4tuP9mLaLfqiYEZ6EEpYiS-kjyEL3tCMlVWRhfNH_6DAyygaQXt0egNcI9tP5b3agY8koOEFWzSRS31jgTxzqidNLdB7cAg/s320/IMG_0734.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>And so, I opened the door, breathed in the rain-air, and stepped outside. </p><p>I've been sitting out here for about twenty minutes now, and it's already dark. I caught the last look at the orange-pink sky setting behind the houses across the street. There's heat lightening flashing across the neighborhood every couple of minutes or so.</p><h2 style="text-align: left;">It is so quiet.</h2><p>My breaths feel deeper-- more dense with all the humidity. I am taking time to just look around and notice things... the neighbor's sunflowers growing in front of their porch are nearly in full-bloom. The anticipation made me smile. My dog is standing proudly on our stoop, sniffing the night air like some kind of statue, or the mermaid on the front of a boat. I hear all sorts of bugs, but don't see (or feel) any mosquitoes. Yet.<span></span></p><p>But enough ambiance. Hopefully you get the gist of it. </p><p>I've been reflecting on a really nebulous topic as of late... and I know it's going to be really "out there." I'm grateful for these quiet summer nights because I think in the busyness of everyday life (you know, when I actually have a day-job), it's too noisy and frantic to think about such things. So... here goes. </p><p>I've been thinking about the oneness of the Body of Christ, and how everyone and everything is so vastly different that it seems nearly impossible for Jesus to reconcile us all to Himself when He comes back. And yet, I eagerly await this miraculous act, because I believe that if anyone can bring that kind of unity, it's Jesus. </p><p>My thoughts are interrupted by the howling of a dog in the distance. I look over to my own dog, who is sprawled out on the top of our steps like a porch dog from the Appalachian mountains. And I'm not trying to be quirky or poetic... he actually reminds me of a dog I met when I was doing work in rural Tennessee, helping a widow and her porch dog fix their broken steps. The parallel brings me back to that moment in time. I feel out of body for a moment... it's all so similar to right now.</p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Oneness. </h2><p>The houses in my neighborhood are old-- like over 100 years old. My house was built in 1905, and it's still standing strong. I think for a moment about the way our neighborhood must have felt to the first owners of this home. Did they sit on this porch like I am sitting? Did they think nebulous thoughts? Did they watch the sun setting over the houses across the street?</p><p>The oldness is speckled with strangely future-looking items. Cars line the streets. My bicycle is chained to our porch railing. Its ridiculous gadgets and iPhone holders look too sterile for this old, quiet house. I'm typing on a wireless keyboard, for Heaven's sake. Someone's balcony has rainbow Christmas lights strung up. (It's August.)</p><p>How can Jesus feel so close when He lived so, so long ago? How can I be part of this neighborhood's history, when my story is so incredibly different than the generations of folks that have lived here before me? Times are different, but they're also the same. My porch also has a sleepy dog laying on it, and the same sky that called me outside tonight is the same one that someone saw more than a century ago, from this same exact spot.</p><p>I'm told that God's concept of time is very different than ours, which is why He's omni-present and able to be the same good God that He was back in the times of Abraham, or of Paul. He's the same God and Scriptures tell me that the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is the very same Spirit that lives in me. Which is <i>crazy</i>. (See Romans 6:10).</p><p>I guess it all started in the Garden of Eden. (I hate to be <i>that</i> person and go back <i>that</i> far, but everything starts somewhere, right?) Can you imagine walking around a garden with God? Or a shopping mall? Or <i>anywhere</i>, for that matter? The closeness they experienced must have felt so insane and so natural at the same time. We were created to be in right relationship with Him, after all.</p><p>And then sin came, and broke off that tie. Thankfully, Jesus restored what was broken, and through Him, we have access to the Father once again through the Holy Spirit. But even today, something feels like I felt about an hour ago when I was still inside. I know there's an amazing day coming where the Glory of God will shine brightly and marvelously and we'll be face to face with the One who created us and it'll be beyond anything we could ever <i>dream</i>. I am confident of this.</p><p>But it still feels like we're inside, catching little glimpses of the sunlight peering through our front windows.</p><h2 style="text-align: left;">I want to be on the front porch with God, right now.</h2><p>There's an empty seat next to me that I want Him to sit in. I want to share a glass of wine with the One who turned water into wine, and laugh with the One who created laughter.</p><p>I want Him to merge the life I'm living now with the way more beautiful world He's restoring, and I want to invite him over for some porch time. I long to be close to Him and to feel Him near me the way Adam and Eve got to feel Him in the garden. </p><p>For now, I sit and marvel at His creation and contrast it with the brokenness I experience around me. I hear horns honking and engines revving on the highway. I smell cigarettes. Someone is walking home from work, keys jangling, only to have to knock on their front door for someone to let them inside. </p><p>Our neighborhood is lush with diverse experiences, stories, and cultures. As a white woman, it sometimes feels strange to try and relate to my elderly Black neighbor. I brought him some tomatoes from my garden yesterday in a plastic grocery bag. That felt weird, too... the plastic bag rustling up against the red, plump fruit. Something that represented waste, consumerism, and landfills in my brain was holding what I had carefully planted, pruned, picked, washed, and dried for my neighbor. Contrasts, differences, and opposites were so closely touching, but not "one." It's how I feel sometimes in my neighborhood. </p><p>Another interruption. A police siren rang one time several blocks away. I am once again reminded of how different my experiences are from those of my Black neighbors. How are we "one" in Christ? How are we ever going to become "one?"</p><p>I turned to the Word of God by Googling, "that there may be no division among you Bible verse." Then, I clicked on 1 Corinthians 12 and started reading. </p><p>And you guys - I cannot make this up - it started <i>pouring</i> down rain. </p><p>It's still raining as I ravenously type out these words... I feel that God is close to me. I feel Him all around me, as rain mists off the railings and onto my bear skin. I am overcome with awe and wonder. Here are the Words I read:</p><p><i>For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit...</i></p><p><i>For the body does not consist of one member but of many... As it is, there are many parts, yet one body... But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.</i></p><p><i>-1 Corinthians 12, 12-26 NIV</i></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">I don't want to point out the ways I can divide this world. </h2><p>Old, new, white, Black. Male, female. Young, old. Inside, outside. Tennessee, Ohio. Plastic, organic.</p><p>Instead, I want to be reconciled to God through His Spirit and experience the One body we read about in the Scriptures. I know there's more verses out there that talk about oneness in the Spirit, and I'm determined to find them, read them, and add them below as time passes.</p><p>For now, I will leave you with a call to Oneness... one Body that Christ will one day draw even nearer to Himself. I am ready. </p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-62655686026144185562022-07-29T21:46:00.005-04:002022-07-30T07:38:36.877-04:00Juice-making: A Reflection<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1FDgw3WnQ5DyIy3zAWuTmHcRNRH_msf8i7SE36Ph3GHZIwkRhxrErGmNgq6voO6cD54cN68hVAGal5f1udnvQixSKBouvGnud9p-IjyhQimO5HHcolpH5i5Q91ZVuUCswthJJWEbYb9Ufjg5nCYu1ye3c8eJ0njjIfnqAcXodBiv7f5DK9uEVyYuJbA/s4032/IMG_5691.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1FDgw3WnQ5DyIy3zAWuTmHcRNRH_msf8i7SE36Ph3GHZIwkRhxrErGmNgq6voO6cD54cN68hVAGal5f1udnvQixSKBouvGnud9p-IjyhQimO5HHcolpH5i5Q91ZVuUCswthJJWEbYb9Ufjg5nCYu1ye3c8eJ0njjIfnqAcXodBiv7f5DK9uEVyYuJbA/w240-h320/IMG_5691.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>Well, it's that time of year again. The sun is high in the summer sky, the chicken kabobs are outside grilling, and the smell of sunscreen and chlorine are floating off my skin as I smell my armpits to check if I need to shower or not.<div><h2 style="text-align: left;">And I am craving juice.</h2><div>So, a few hours ago I trotted down the cool basement stairs to find my favorite $6 Salvation Army find: a Hamilton Beach home juicer (by <i>far</i> the best ever "AS IS" thrift store gamble that I've ever made). I washed it off, turned it on, and started making some fresh juice. Three hours later, I think I should be good on juice for... basically forever, actually. </div><div><br /></div><div>But as it turns out, after three hours of being home alone on a Friday night, dancing around your kitchen to OneRepublic and telling your speaker, "Alexa, VOLUME UP!", you tend to get pretty introspective. I think it's because the repetitive motion of chopping apples and shoving them into the top hole of the juicer brings back <i>all</i> the memories. As the juice flowed out the side of the machine, I just stood there for a few seconds and looked at all the colors. Scents of mint, lime, pineapple, and beets (I had to put something semi-gross in there, or else it's not even homemade juice, right?) wafted up to my nostrils. I breathed in deep.</div><div><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;">The last time I used this dusty juicer was over three years ago, in the Summer of 2019.</h2><div>My life was pretty radically different back then. So much has changed and shifted, and so many things have been lost and found along the way. But thankfully, I still love juice. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back in prior juicing times, I lived alone in this moldy basement studio apartment. I was dating someone who is now married to someone else. I was managing a coffee roasterie and living in this new and exciting "big" city, which now feels like my forever home. I was in a stage of learning the art of "adulting," and all things considered, was <i>rocking</i> it. Except, of course, for the fact that I was desperate for others' company and approval, and hated being alone. I cared way too much about what people thought about me, and felt so much shame and regret for my actions and interactions, almost constantly. I felt that my identity was inextricably linked to successes at work... or what others perceived to be successes, anyway.</div><div><br /></div><div>By contrast, I am now living in a beautiful home less than 10 minutes away from all my favorite things. I'm married and the (sometimes) proud mother of an Irish Doodle. My ex and I broke up, and these days our interactions are limited to the occasional run-ins at church, or the nights like last night where he came to my house for a party we hosted for our out-of-town friends. By the grace of God, I'm feeling a lot less like a slave to others' approval, and the shame and regrets have no home in me anymore. I'm teaching in the public schools and welcoming our newest neighbors to Cincinnati through my work with English Language Learners, which is honestly a dream come true. </div><div><br /></div><div>From time to time, I find myself thinking about those days a few summers ago. It's the moments like tonight when I'm juicing or this morning when I made a latte when I'm reminded of how things used to be. I realize simultaneously how much has changed, and how much has also stayed the same. I'm still "me," and I still love juice. I still don't like reading very much, but Tina Fey's autobiography has be feeling like maybe it's not the worst thing in the world. I still love experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen. (This usually means I still fail miserably the first few times that<br /> I "experiment," but I'm still okay with it, because it's all a process, okay?!) I still love writing and dancing. I still maintain a deep appreciation for Latin-American culture and the Spanish language. Thankfully, Jesus is still the Lord of my life, and my identity is rooted in Him. I still fight the temptation to place other people on the throne, and I still don't love being alone, but it's nights like tonight where I'm able to take deep breaths, pause, and reflect. And yes, it's only 9pm on a Friday and I'm definitely going to bed soon, but I've never been too cool for indulging in a good ol' lame Friday night in. </div><div><br /></div><div>My heart still hurts from the loss of what I dreamed for when I was living in that basement apartment. Strong, deep-seated memories hit me out of nowhere sometimes, and I wonder how long it will be until I can just let them pass by. But maybe I shouldn't long for that-- for the ability to let memories fade quickly.</div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Maybe it's good to sit down with some freshly-juiced juice and just <i>remember</i>.</h2><div>It feels so strange to recognize how different my dreams are today. It's like I am a completely different person, but I'm still me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I believe in my core that the transformation I've undertaken has 0% to do with me and 100% God's providence over my life. He is always watching out for me, protecting me and guiding me like the Good Shepherd. And I, a mere wandering sheep, have been training to hear His voice more clearly, and follow where it leads. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks be to God for the long-lasting, eternal care that He has for His people. He's not a short-term God, nor a God of conditions. He is perpetually ever-present and His grace never fails, even when we do. He has plans for our lives that extend far beyond what our dreams can imagine. And they're so, so good, y'all. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you're still reading this, well done! I hope you're encouraged to trust Jesus a little more than you do right now, or at least inspired to go out and buy some juice.</div><div><br /></div><div>For now, I'll say goodnight and hope that my stomach agrees with all the healthy things I gulped down like a thirsty dog in the desert. Peace!</div></div>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-77714230207323173382022-03-20T13:10:00.005-04:002022-03-20T13:10:40.003-04:00The Chronicles of the Sabbath - 1<p> I logged on to write today and then I read my last post from back in November. I actually laughed out loud. If you didn't read it, it's actually not ground-breaking or even inspiring, really... it's just a rant about how busy I am and how hurried my life is under the yoke of never-ending to-do lists. I laughed because upon reading it today, the day I finished <i>The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry</i> by John Mark Comer, it seemed pretty ironic, don't you think? It was almost as if God were smiling on me and saying, "I see you, Carly. I see how you showed up to be with me today, on your Sabbath. I am with you and I want to breathe life into you." </p><p><br /></p><p>And boy, do I need some <i>life</i>. Spring is coming and I'm eagerly awaiting the new beginnings it can bring-- it seems like this winter has been a long one. It's been cold and I've been in this constant state of fatigue for the past four months or so. It's been a slow-moving winter but somehow it also feels so fast-paced. I am working full-time, going to grad school at night, trying to figure out how to be a decent wife and dog-mom (both of which are harder than work and grad school, might I add), and it's just a <i>lot, </i> to say the least. I barely feel like I have room to breathe, let alone really rest my soul.</p><p><br /></p><p>Enter: my newfound obsession with the Sabbath. </p><p><br /></p><p><i>The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry </i>is a fantastic book, full of truth and challenge and ideas on how to slow down your life and take the easy yoke of Jesus instead. Without running the risk of sounding dramatic and cliche, that book changed my life for the better. My eyes were opened to just how far off my rhythms were from the daily, weekly, and seasonal practices of the God I claim to follow.</p><p><br /></p><p>I like deep, thought-provoking theological discussions more than the average person (just ask my husband, and ask him how much he simultaneously loves and despises this about me), but there was something so, so practical about Comer's book and the suggestions he gave for how to live the way Jesus did. From things as "simple" as driving the speed limit to as heavy as cultivating a full day of rest and worship every week (aka "Sabbath), I couldn't put the book down. And that's really saying something, because in general, I really, really don't enjoy reading books.</p><p><br /></p><p>The idea is actually quite simple: set aside roughly 24 hours to recharge for the week ahead, Jesus-style. That means you're really only doing one of two things: you're either resting, or you're worshipping. Both of these activities can be interpreted very broadly, and what's considered rest/worship for one person could be the opposite of rest/worship for another. It's all about creating space to slow down and draw closer to God, enjoying the peace that comes from spending time with Him and soaking up His Presence. It sounds pretty nice, doesn't it?</p><p><br /></p><p>Admittedly, this is actually really hard for me. I've been reflecting on why that is, and trying to fight the urge to fill my Sabbath with what John Mark calls "bastard Sabbath" activities, or things that seem sort of restful but are really just disguised versions of a to-do list or catching up on household chores. I love feeling productive and efficient so setting aside a whole day to rest seemed counterintuitive at first. </p><p><br /></p><p>However, the Scripture that's been grounding me and reminding me of God's goodness is found in Mark 2:</p><p><br /></p><p><i>The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. - Mark 2:27 NIV</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p>Jesus says this to a group of super religious people after they witness him picking heads of grain while walking through a field on the Sabbath. It was against the law to work on the Sabbath, so these folks called Jesus out. His response to their legalistic views?</p><p><br /></p><p><i>The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. - Mark 2:27 NIV</i></p><div><i><br /></i></div><div>God created this day <i>for</i> <i>me</i>, not to add another thing to my to-do list. He knows what we need and told His people to observe the Sabbath and set it apart from the rest of the week. God rested after creating the world, and if we're made in His image, we must need a little rest, too. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm still tying to figure out what a day-set-apart looks like for me. This is the first day I'm writing and reflecting, but not my first attempt at a Sabbath. It's actually my third week trying out different things, and the first two attempts were pretty bad, I'm not going to lie. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I'm showing up, and I'm listening for God's voice, and it's getting slightly easier and easier to trust that if I set a day aside to just be with God and enjoy his Presence, that everything else in my life will work itself out. I can take a day off from the hustle and bustle to just <i>be</i>, and that's enough.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here's to making breakfast and spending time reflecting and being outdoors barefoot. Here's to getting dirt from the garden underneath my fingernails and for lots and lots of naps. Here's to ask God to fill me up and remind me of my worth in Him. Here's to trusting that if I don't go to the grocery or fold the laundry today, the world will just keep moving on and it'll all be okay.</div><div><br /></div><div>Heck- maybe I'll start this next week <i>more</i> than okay- more rested, refreshed, and ready to bring the hope of Jesus to a world that so, so desperately needs it. </div><p>Peace.</p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-88727911008114367332021-11-16T22:38:00.000-05:002021-11-16T22:38:07.000-05:00Not Enough or Too Much?<p> Friends, life has been absolutely crazy lately. Like, busy, wild, jam-packed, stressful, tiresome, busy, and did I mention… busy?</p><p>I don’t know why I pack my schedule so tightly, or why I insist on adding more things to my plate even when I am already drowning in to-dos. It’s all too much, and yet when I survey the work of my hands at the end of the day, I feel I’m not enough. </p><p>I replay the failures I had, the frustrations I unleashed, and the impatient impulses that drove me to paralysis. I recount all the times I responded to someone in anger, or judged someone with hurtful thoughts, or even worse, hurtful speech.</p><p>Somehow, it doesn’t matter how hard I try to “do it all…” As long as I’m doing it all as poorly as I have been, then what’s the point?</p><p>And I’m not writing this for sympathy. I don’t want any words of encouragement. I need a wake-up call, and for the Holy Spirit to speak truth into me when I need it most. I don’t need another human’s words or actions to comfort me. I need Jesus. </p><p>Father, I need You to come and remind me of who You say that I am. I am not Carly the frustrated teacher, the bad dog mom, or the naggy wife. I am a daughter of the Most High, Creator of the heavens and the earth. I am forgiven and beloved just the way that I am because of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for me. </p><p>It’s not my never ending to-do list that grants me access to the Holy Spirit or the life everlasting, no matter how well (or how poorly) I do all the things. It’s Jesus. It’s His love and grace that gives me value and purpose. </p><p>I am not my to-do list. I am not a result of how poorly I complete things on the list. I am not my shortcomings or my failures. </p><p>Jesus, make me new. </p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-18835469362203421392021-05-26T09:31:00.001-04:002021-05-26T09:31:58.968-04:00Mold Me, God<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> <i>Father</i>,</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I want a lot of things. I want the Reds to play well this season. I want to be a better cook. I want my plants to grow and explode with life in my garden. I want these cicadas to just hurry up and die already. I want chocolate.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I want to have a marriage that lacks nothing. I want my family to all live long, healthy lives with their eyes fixed on You. I want my friends to come to know Jesus as their Savior.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I want answers to hard questions. I want things to be immediate because I hate waiting. I want to be firm in my identity and stop seeking it in futile places. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm starting to feel a little like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. "Daddy, I want a pony!"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In all seriousness, though, I have a lot of wants and desires, Jesus. I take tremendous peace in knowing that You already know my thoughts. Your Word says that you know my words before they're even spoken... every thought inside my brain (...and You still love me enough to die for me? That's a huge deal... thank You!).</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I've been meditating on Your Word, God-- specifically Psalm 37:4:</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>“Delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.”</b></span></i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Wow- that's a big promise! I feel that there's something lacking in my understanding of this verse. Thank you for your people, who have shed some light on the <a href="https://drawingontheword.com/what-does-god-will-give-you-the-desires-of-your-heart-mean/">original meaning</a> of David's words.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I now know that You want for me to be like clay in your hands... pliable and ready to be molded by You. That's what it means to "delight in you," God. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">And as for "the desires of my heart," I know that when I desire more of You and "delight in You," I become more pliable in your strong and safe hands. You mold me to look more like You, and to have more of your characteristics within me. My heart creates room for more of You, and my heart is transformed into your likeness. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In short, I start to desire the kinds of things You desire. All of my desires are boiled down to this: I want You, God. I want You because You desire intimacy with me, and if I'm to seek You and be transformed into your likeness, then I want that intimacy, too. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I want to be closer to You. I want to learn from You. I want to be challenged and grown by You, the Good Father and Teacher and Coach. I want to desire the things You desire, God, and I want to be your literal hands and feet in this world to accomplish your purpose and to see your kingdom come.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My prayer is that you'll help me abandon desires that are not "of You," in other words, things that are selfish and rooted in pride. Help me desire You above all else, and mold my desires to be more aligned to yours. I trust that the desires that remain in my heart will be accomplished in Your powerful name because I trust Your promises and I believe them to be true.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Thank you for Who you are and the goodness you inject into me. Mold me and make me more like You... I am but a piece of clay in your hands. I trust you with everything and ask in boldness for you to continue leading me toward the good and perfect plans You have for me as I walk with you.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>Amen</i></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: ptserif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-61403250450782515532021-05-03T22:40:00.004-04:002021-05-26T08:56:06.223-04:00Want Him More<p><b><i> Spoiler alert:</i></b> life can be just downright terrible sometimes. There can be terrible, awful, terrible things that happen all around us and it's so, so hard to see "the good." But we search desperately for it anyway.</p><p>Cancer, famine, war, orphans... in no particular order, we all can name more things than we'd like that just plain <i>suck</i>. And I hear a lot of people struggle to justify "how God could let this happen" or ask, "If there's a God, then why is there _____" and I'm not going to be belittling these wresting questions, nor do I claim to have the answers to them. I think they're rational questions to ask, especially for those of us who have met this AWESOME, life-changing God who is the Maker of all things good and perfect. Because when things are terrible and we lose a loved one, or we don't get the job, or we get our hearts broken, I think a natural response is to ask this good God:</p><p><i>"Why?" </i></p><p>Or even more pressing, <i>"What did I do to deserve this?"</i></p><p>Or even more desperate still, <i>"What could I have done differently to avoid this pain?"</i></p><p>I think we ask these questions the most when we pray the hardest for something, and we believe whole-heartedly that God is willing and able to do "the impossible." We hear about miracles or experience them in our own lives, and we struggle when, other times, the miracle just doesn't happen. When they aren't healed, or you don't get the scholarship, or you're <i>still</i> single even when you thought he was "the one" you'd been praying for. </p><p>The heartache is real. The pain is real. The grief is real. And these are okay emotions to have-- in fact, I'd venture to say God <i>wants</i> us to come to Him during these seasons of life.</p><p>The thing I <i>don't</i> think is okay is when our desire for things to "go the right way" overcome our desire for God to have His will be done. When we think "if only THIS would happen, then all would be well and good" instead of "God, I trust you as the Source of goodness in this situation. Period."</p><p>When things don't work out the way we want them to, we don't need to just pray harder, or have more faith... that would assume our circumstances are hinging upon whether or not we do the work correctly when in reality, the work has already been done on our behalf. </p><p>God defeated death once and for all through His Son, Jesus, and it's by His grace we have access to the Father. It's through His Holy Spirit we can have a relationship that is built on trust and reliance. We don't need to just "do more" or "want God more." <b>We need to Want Him More than our circumstances. </b></p><p>What would happen if we asked bold prayers, and fully surrendered them to God out of a trust that His ways are above our ways, better than our wildest dreams and desires, and nothing we could <i>possibly </i>ask for would be better than what He has planned for us?</p><p>What if, even when the outcomes we see <i>seem</i> to be downright terrible, our faith in God's goodness is not thwarted or questioned at all? Rather, what if we clung to God so hard that we actually <i>wanted</i> His way, not ours, because we trusted that His way is <i>always</i> better?</p><p>I'm trying to reframe my brain to think this way. Because of the world I live in as a 25 year-old citizen of the United States, I've been accustomed to a certain mindset surrounding prayer and God when "things go wrong."</p><p>You've heard it, too-- that "we can have faith that moves mountains." (But it's God doing the work, right?)</p><p>Or "When God closes a door, He opens a window." (But do we really believe God's the one "closing doors" like death, illness, famine, and drought?)</p><p>The point is, there are a lot of flawed interpretations of who God is and how He works, and again, I'm not claiming to have all (or any) of the answers. </p><p>All I know comes from my relationship with Him-- my observations about His character and the Truth He tells me through Scripture and through wise counsel. And from what I've learned, the world is a broken place and crappy stuff happens all the time, and it's not like God's causing it all to happen because He's testing us or teaching us a lesson or wants to show us the contrast between bad and good (although, from time to time, I'm sure God can do these things... I'm focusing on the "big stuff" right now.... the stuff where it's easy to doubt His goodness.)</p><p>When it's hard to believe God is good, we have to surrender the outcome to Him. What other choice do we have? As believers who put our trust in God more than anything else, we can either choose to trust our way, the way that "seems like the 'right' outcome," or we can trust God. </p><p>We can pray to Him and He wants us to do that, but <b>we have to want Him more than we want our situations to change.</b></p><p>It's when we fix our eyes on God that we find clarity for what's going on around us. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it's true. Putting on the blinders and looking straight to Jesus actually clears up the world and the terrible, awful things we see each day.</p><p>Thanks be to God that our hope doesn't lie in these things!</p><p><b><i>2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV) : So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.</i></b></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-4654744741605653202021-03-31T08:15:00.004-04:002021-04-02T13:26:27.517-04:00Guard Your Heart (and mouth, and eyes, and feet, and other things)<p><i> "<span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #5f6368; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;">Don't ever miss out on a woman with a guarded heart</span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">. She's usually protecting the deepest most caring soul you'll ever know" </span></i></p><p><i><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">-Sylvester McNutt</span></i></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">I don't know who Sylvester McNutt is, nor do I think this particular quote says anything radical or life-changing. I posted it because when I Googled "guard your heart," there were a slew of random quotes and bad (like, really bad) stock images to choose from, and it made me wonder what the phrase even <i>means</i>. </span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">Does it mean to be guarded, like as a person? Private? Skeptical? Shy? </span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">Does it mean to save yourself for your future husband / wife?</span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">Does it mean to protect your heart and all your fragile feelings?</span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">Let's get down to it. </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">The passage I read today is Proverbs 4... specifically verse 23, but we'll get into that later. Proverbs 4 is, like most passages in the book of Proverbs, about wisdom and what it means to "get wisdom" and "be wise." This specific Proverb is titled "A Father's Wise Instruction." You can read it <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+4&version=ESV" target="_blank">here</a>... it's super short.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">When I'm trying to figure out what a verse means, I like to look at it in several versions because as we know, the Bible is translated from different languages and different translations pull out slightly different meanings. I don't believe this contradicts the Truth found in Scripture, but rather adds all sorts of fascinating layers that we can discover when we seek the fullness and vastness of God's promises. I'd love to learn Hebrew and Greek and be able to know the original "meanings" of the texts, but for now, I'll rely on the internet. The Spirit will help with bringing it to life for me still today, in 2021.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">The verse I'm <i>sure</i> you've heard or seen tattooed on someone before is this:</span></span></span></p><p><i><span face="Roboto, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23 NIV</span><span class="p" face="Roboto, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></i></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">However, I read Proverbs 4 in the English Standard Version (for no particular reason, it's just the version that popped up when I googled the full passage) and the verse was written this way:</span></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;"><i>Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. -Proverbs 4:23 ESV</i></span><span class="p" face="Roboto, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">I almost missed it when I was reading the whole section... it seems so different from the "guard your heart" catchphrase that is used so often (and so often out of context) in the Church today. The surrounding verses are super important to include, I think, because they paint a fuller picture of what the author was trying to convey:</span></span></p><p><i><span class="text Prov-4-24" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" id="en-ESV-16515" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">Put away from you crooked speech,</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-4-24" style="position: relative;">and put devious talk far from you.</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Prov-4-25" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" id="en-ESV-16516" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: inline; font-size: 1.2rem; font-weight: 700; left: -4.4em; line-height: normal; position: absolute; top: auto; vertical-align: text-top;">25 </span>Let your eyes look directly forward,</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-4-25" style="position: relative;">and your gaze be straight before you.</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Prov-4-26" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" id="en-ESV-16517" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: inline; font-size: 1.2rem; font-weight: 700; left: -4.4em; line-height: normal; position: absolute; top: auto; vertical-align: text-top;">26 </span>Ponder</span><span class="text Prov-4-26" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><span style="font-size: 10px;"> </span>the path of your feet;</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" face="system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-4-26" style="position: relative;">then all your ways will be sure. <span> -Proverbs 4:24-26 ESV</span></span></span></i></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">I think so often we look to the heart verse because it can be so easily applied to love and relationships. But in the context of this entire passage about wisdom, we see that we're actually talking about being diligent and vigilant with our entire selves... our heart, our speech, our gaze, and the path of our feet.</span></span></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">In other words, we are to seek wisdom in all things with everything that we are. I can't wait to expound upon this more tomorrow and dig deeper into what it means to "keep your heart with all vigilance" while also "looking directly forward" and walking the path in front of you.</span></span></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #4d5156;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Peace!</span></span></span></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-33969097590706731492021-03-30T08:09:00.002-04:002021-03-30T08:09:52.964-04:00Not too much... just enough.<p> Well, in my "Phonics and Literacy" course yesterday, we focused completely on spelling and writing, and why kids stop loving to write... how we write, hold our pencils, etc. I saw it as a little nudge from my Father, yet again, for me to keep on writing... so here I sit. </p><p><br /></p><p>I've been reflecting on a few posts ago... about be being a "try-hard" and how I wish I weren't "so much" all the time. A book I was reading yesterday said that amazingly, most women feel they are both "too much" and "not enough" at the same time, which is hard to conceptualize I'm sure for men. But I'd venture to say that most women get it. Because with every "too much," there's a corresponding "not enough." It's like a double-whammy. </p><p><br /></p><p>I wish I weren't so talkative. I'm not quiet enough.</p><p>I wish I weren't so hyperactive. I'm not peaceful enough. </p><p>I wish I weren't so judgmental. I'm not gracious enough. </p><p><br /></p><p>I'm working on recognizing these lies I tell myself, and I'm at least able to spot them now. But if I'm honest... knowing the diagnosis without knowing the cure doesn't do much... other than leave me feeling out of options with nowhere to turn. </p><p><br /></p><p>The only "cure" I know is Jesus. The only remedy for my negative self-talk and the only combative weapon to the lies of this world is constantly reminding myself the Goodness found in Him. In reminding myself what He says about me, and clinging to it. In rejecting anything not of Him and leaving the past in the past. I don't need to bring up my failures from the dead to counsel them, because that doesn't make any sense. </p><p><br /></p><p>Today is a new day, and I can choose to fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. He will give me the grace and stamina I need for today... in the exact portion I need. Not "too little" or "too much," but <i>just enough. </i></p><p><i style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.</i></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV</i></span></span></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-24472775824478765942021-03-29T12:15:00.000-04:002021-03-29T12:15:03.844-04:00Making myself write again.<p>Warning: this post is not going inspire you. I'll be lucky if it even makes sense. But there's something inside me telling me to write again... you can call it a calling, if you want. </p><p>I feel that my Father wants to connect with me and this is oftentimes how I think is best for me to do that-- which, when you think about it, is INSANE. </p><p>The God of the universe wants to connect to ME. He sees ME and sees how I best communicate Him, and since He wants intimacy with me, He's been slowly and quietly nudging me to get back into the blogging game. So, here I sit. </p><p>I'm going to force myself to write something - even if it's a short prayer of apology for not making enough time to write something profound - every day this week. I even took off work this morning... not to write, specifically, but to have a little time of rest before a busy week. </p><p>I woke up with a big headache after crying last night- something that doesn't happen too often, but when it does, I'm <i>wrecked</i> the day following. You're probably wondering why I was crying, but it doesn't really matter because today is a new day that the Lord has blessed me with. As corny as this sounds, the sun is shining through our windows and the birds are chirping outside and I don't want to dwell on the past. </p><p>The verses on my mind this morning are that of new beginnings. It's a prayer of God's people in the book of Lamentations... which is a pretty depressing book of the Bible, as it's a collection of sad prayers, complaints, mourning, fears (and... well... <i>laments</i>, for lack of a better word). But sprinkled into chapter 3 is a beautiful, hopeful promise that I want to cling to, both today and every day:</p><p>(I've <b>bolded</b> my favorite parts)</p><p><br /></p><p><i>Remember my affliction and my wanderings,</i></p><p><i> the wormwood and the gall!</i></p><p><i>My soul continually remembers it</i></p><p><i> and is bowed down within me.</i></p><p><i>But this I call to mind,</i></p><p><i> and therefore I have hope:</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i>The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;</i></p><p><i> his mercies never come to an end;</i></p><p><i><b>they are new every morning;</b></i></p><p><i> great is your faithfulness.</i></p><p><i>"The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,</i></p><p><i> <b>“therefore I will hope in him.”</b></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i>The Lord is good to those who <b>wait</b> for him,</i></p><p><i> to the soul who <b>seeks</b> him.</i></p><p><i>It is good that one should <b>wait quietly</b></i></p><p><i><b> for the salvation of the Lord.</b></i></p><p><i>It is good for a man that he bear</i></p><p><i> the yoke in his youth.</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><b>Let him sit alone in silence</b></i></p><p><i> when it is laid on him;</i></p><p><i>let him put his mouth in the dust—</i></p><p><i><b> there may yet be hope;</b></i></p><p><i>let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,</i></p><p><i> and let him be filled with insults.</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i>For the Lord will not</i></p><p><i> cast off forever,</i></p><p><i>but, though he cause grief, <b>he will have compassion</b></i></p><p><i><b> according to the abundance of his steadfast love;</b></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i>-Lamentations 3:19-32 ESV</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p>Let those words sink deep into your soul today. His mercies are new this morning... and He has compassion on you because of the abundance of His stedfast love. Amen!</p><p><i><br /></i></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-61486707795950774362021-03-28T14:52:00.005-04:002021-03-28T14:52:40.219-04:00The LORD will fight for you. Just...<p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, friends. You want to hear something really confusing? (Or really wonderful, if you love words?)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Bible was not originally written in English, but a few different languages that have been translated into English. So, there's a bit left up for interpretation (literally) and depending on <i>who</i> translates the word and from <i>what</i> language, there can be a few different meanings. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you're a "glass half full" kind of person, you may find it fascinating. Each translation is a new opportunity to gain a better, fuller understanding of God's Word! Learning more about what the original translation said and the author's intended meaning can bring a certain richness to the scriptures, I think. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">But what about when you're trying to understand what God is saying to you about a verse that's been on your mind lately... one that you feel He's trying to speak to you through? What if, hypothetically, you looked it up just now via Google, and clicked on BibleHub, and found there are SEVERAL translations of what it means? (Just hypothetically, of course).</span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://biblehub.com/nlt/exodus/14.htm" style="color: #008ae6; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New Living Translation</span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">"The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”</span><span class="p" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /><br /></span><span class="versiontext" style="background-color: white; color: #008ae6; font-weight: 700;"><a href="https://biblehub.com/esv/exodus/14.htm" style="color: #008ae6; text-decoration-line: none;">English Standard Version</a></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">"The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”</span><span class="p" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /><br /></span><span class="versiontext" style="background-color: white; color: #008ae6; font-weight: 700;"><a href="https://biblehub.com/bsb/exodus/14.htm" style="color: #008ae6; text-decoration-line: none;">Berean Study Bible</a></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”</span><span class="p" style="background-color: white; color: #001320; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /><br /></span><span class="versiontext" style="background-color: white; color: #008ae6; font-weight: 700;"><a href="https://biblehub.com/kjv/exodus/14.htm" style="color: #008ae6; text-decoration-line: none;">King James Bible</a></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">"The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace."</span></span><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="versiontext" style="background-color: white; color: #008ae6; font-weight: 700;"><a href="https://biblehub.com/cev/exodus/14.htm" style="color: #008ae6; text-decoration-line: none;">Contemporary English Version</a></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;">"The LORD will fight for you, and you won't have to do a thing."</span></span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You have to admit, there are a lot of varying translations for this one, and they're all similar... yet at the same time, bring distinct things to the table. To me, being <i>silent</i> and being <i>still</i> can be pretty different in practice, right?</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The realty is that both are pretty hard for me... and so is staying calm, holding my peace, and "not having to do a thing." Allow me to explain...</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Confession time: I'm a try-hard.</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You know the type. They give 147% to everything they do, including folding the laundry, writing term papers, and interacting with others. They're oftentimes referred to as "perfectionists" or "suck-ups," racing through life "a mile a minute" and affectionately referred to by the older generation as a "fart in a skillet." (Has anyone else heard this saying before? Or is that just my Granny's saying?)</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's sometimes painfully obvious how hard they're trying... striving <i>hard</i> for perfection, they speed-walk everywhere with purpose and talk wayyyyy to fast to understand and it makes you just want to grab them by the shoulders, look them in the eyes and say "SLOW DOWN for just a MINUTE... <i>PLEASE</i>." </span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe you know someone like this. Maybe <i>I'm</i> the someone you know like this. Maybe you're like this, too. </span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I try so hard at everything, and I feel like I can't really ever "turn my brain off." It's running on overdrive like basically all the time, similar to like when your computer is working too hard and it starts to overheat and make that fan noise as it tries to cool down. I never feel like I'm able to rest, or be "at peace" about anything, really. My body needs to go, go, <i>go</i>, and when it's not actively moving around doing something, then my brain takes over and gets to work.</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">I'll lie awake at night and think about all sorts of useless things... what I'm wearing the next day, what's on my agenda, what I'm taking to work with me for lunch... or I'll obsess over stuff that already happened that day, too. </span><i><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">Why did I do that? Why didn't I call them back? Why did I say that? That's so </span><span style="color: #001320;">embarrassing</span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">! You talked wayyyy to much. They think you're weird and there's no way to reverse that. Just try harder tomorrow.</span></i></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><i><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">I know it's not God's design for me to be anxious, or for me to worry about anything. I'm trying hard (really hard, because I'm a try-hard, remember?) to take moments where I surrender my thoughts to God and allow Him to take the stress away. The Good News is, He does! I think it's <i>good</i> to hit the "reset button" when we find ourselves drifting away from the peace that comes with faith in Jesus... to turn back to Him, fix our eyes on His goodness, and take a deep breath in His Presence. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">However, I'm finding that there's a <i>huge</i> difference between 1) realizing how hard you're striving and turning to Jesus for peace, and 2) looking back on your past day with shame and regret, and feeling bad about who you are, what you did, or what you said. Then making a resolution to try harder. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">This try-hard culture that is bred from a place of low self-worth is <i>not</i> what God intended. "I messed up so I'll try harder to make up for it tomorrow" is contrary to the Gospel: that it was <i>Jesus</i> who made us righteous and clean before our Father... it was <i>Him</i> that did the work, <i style="font-weight: bold;">not us.</i> (For proof of this, check out <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%202%3A8-9&version=NIV">Ephesians 2:8-9</a>).</span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">For try-hards like me, this is a tough pill to swallow. When I recognize that I am a certain way (for example... that I talk too fast and sometimes talk without thinking, or talk too much in group settings) and then I try to "fix myself" instead of looking to Jesus, I get nowhere. It's debilitating sometimes, too... because no matter how hard I try, I really can't do anything on my own. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing (John 15:5). You can get caught in this vicious cycle of fighting against your own human nature... whether that's a try-hard human nature, a gossipy human nature, a lazy human nature, a selfish human nature... the list could go on forever. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">In Jesus, I don't have to fight anymore. I think that's what the verse we explored at the beginning really means. It was Moses' words to the Israelites as they were escaping from slavery in Egypt... that God goes before them and will be with them... that He's the one fighting on their behalf. They can just rest in that freedom, because they are His people. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">I am a child of God. <i>That</i> is my identity. I don't have to explain away my humanness by saying, "Oh well! That's just who I am!" because God calls me something else... to be more like Him with every waking moment.</span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">He clothes me in a new identity (<a href="https://biblehub.com/isaiah/61-10.htm">Isaiah 61:10</a>).</span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">I am a new creation in Him (<a href="https://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/5-17.htm">2 Corinthians 5:17)</a>.</span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">I want to explore what He says about me and allow Him to transform me more and more into His likeness in every passing day. I don't need to feel shame about the times I fall short because God is with me and will use me for His glory... word vomit and all. He is redeeming me for His purposes and it's Him who does the work. I need only to be still.</span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;">I will stay calm. I will be silent and hold to peace. I will let Him fight for me.</span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-family: Roboto, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></div>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-33347681224244559242021-01-23T10:41:00.000-05:002021-01-23T10:41:36.538-05:00The Devil's Dance<p>Today we'll be reflecting on Paul's letter to the Romans, a special passage that I selected because it makes me feel less alone. It's one of Paul's rather rant-ish monologues, so maybe that's why I relate to it so much. Or perhaps it's my human nature that connects me to his writings... the world may never know.</p><p>It's going to sound pretty depressing, I'll warn you. But I'm determined to understand it, because if there's even a glimmer of hope in it, I want to find it. Read his words in<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Romans Chapter 7, starting at verse 15 (my thoughts are NOT in italics)</span></p><p><span class="text Rom-7-15" id="en-NIV-28107" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.</i></span></span></p><p><span class="text Rom-7-16" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Redundant, but oddly relatable)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rom-7-16" id="en-NIV-28108" style="background-color: white;">And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Rom-7-17" id="en-NIV-28109" style="background-color: white;">As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.</span></i></span></p><p><span class="text Rom-7-18" id="en-NIV-28110" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Wait, what?)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Rom-7-18" style="background-color: white;">For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.</span><span class="text Rom-7-18" style="background-color: white;"> For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Rom-7-19" id="en-NIV-28111" style="background-color: white;">For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.</span></i></span></p><p><span class="text Rom-7-20" id="en-NIV-28112" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(I feel like this is just repeating the first part, but breaks it down a little)</span></span></p><p><span class="text Rom-7-20" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."</i></span></span></p><p>The last part sort of feels like a cop-out. When Paul does things he doesn't want to do, it's not him, but "sin" living in him? Are we all allowed to use that excuse?</p><p>I've been reading this book called <i>Back to the Gospel</i>. It's been pretty freeing for me, because it helps me get back to the basics of the Scriptures, and reminds me of my new self... the "new creation" I am because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. I am literally given new life in Him... my old, former ways are behind me and I can live my life free from sin, shame, and death. Hallelujah! </p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">2 Corinthians 5:17 makes it super clear:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text 2Cor-5-17" id="en-NIV-28895" style="background-color: white;">"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:</span><span class="text 2Cor-5-17" style="background-color: white;"> The old has gone, the new is here!" </span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 2Cor-5-17" style="background-color: white;">I stand firmly on this Truth, and know that I have been justified through faith in Jesus and in what He did. The old me is dead and gone, once and forever, and the price has been paid in full. How awesome is that?!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 2Cor-5-17" style="background-color: white;">And still... as Paul so eloquently put it, there are times where "what I hate, I do." And it sucks. How is this possible... that I can be new and free from sin, and yet keep on sinning? Paul said it wasn't him... that it was <i>sin</i> living in him.</span></span></p><p>Is sin the same as satan? Does he make us do things we don't want to do? Why doesn't he just give up already? I'm already justified and my daily walk of sanctification means that I am growing closer to my Creator with very passing day. </p><p>I know there are some folks who believe you never sin once you're saved. I don't know if I think the process of becoming "right with God" means you automatically become obedient to Him. If that were true, then why would Paul write what he did in Romans 7?</p><p>I think maybe this is one of those both/and scenarios... that until the world is put right, the devil is still going to be dancing around us on Earth, slithering his way into wherever we let him so that he can steal, kill, and destroy.</p><p>We don't want to dance with him (cue 8th grade dance vibes where you get asked to dance by someone you reallllllly don't want to dance with) but sometimes we dance with him anyway. We let sin in.</p><p>It's our jobs to <i>every single day</i> (multiple times a day, I would add) say "no" to him and "yes" to the work Christ is doing in us. It's saying "no" to selfishness and all the sin that comes along with it so that we can follow Jesus where He leads. </p><p>Jesus was talking to Peter when he said the following, which I think is super telling and sheds some light on the whole "who is sinning: me or the devil?" discussion:</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 2.4rem; min-width: 0px;"><span class="text Matt-16-23" id="en-NIV-23696"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” </i></span></span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Then Jesus said to his disciples, <span class="woj">“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." </span></i></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 2.4rem; min-width: 0px;"><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="woj">-Matthew 16:23-24</span></i></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 2.4rem; min-width: 0px;">I want to be His disciple and I want satan to get behind me for good. I know I can't carry this out on my own, so my prayer is for Jesus to whisk me away at the dance so we can dance the night away. Preferably salsa dancing.</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-11051389271343985102020-11-12T15:24:00.008-05:002020-11-12T15:24:43.284-05:00When the bus breaks down.<p> This morning, I was driving to work and saw a city bus broken down on the side of the road. There weren't any people on it, but there was a service truck parked behind it, and a guy underneath on his back with a tool fixing something.</p><p><br /></p><p>It got me thinking about things (as one often does, on a car ride to work,) and I thought I'd share. Mostly because a lot is going on right now, and I want to process how I'm feeling and what crazy, unpredictable, anxious thoughts are tumbling around in my brain.</p><p><br /></p><p>As you can see from the time stamp of this post, the year is 2020. It's been a really, terribly, unfathomably unpredictable year for most humans on Earth for one reason or another. First, there's a literal worldwide pandemic happening right now called COVID-19. It's currently taken the lives of 1.29 million people and over 52 million have gotten the virus. It's turned almost every aspect of "everyday life" on its head. </p><p><br /></p><p>Restaurants are closing. Bars close early. Businesses are letting people go. Governments have mandated we all wear masks in public. Hospitals are overcrowded and understaffed as more and more nurses and doctors get affected. Events are cancelled every single day, and the world has basically been existing on Zoom calls for the last 8 months now. People I love are getting sticks shoved up their nasal cavities during routine tests at work every week. It's absolutely exhausting for everyone I've met with this year (from a healthy 6-foot social distance, of course).</p><p><br /></p><p>We've also seen a huge increase in awareness of police brutality and racial tension in the U.S, specifically. Protests and riots and marches and vigils have been taking over the streets and media outlets. People are so divided, which is hard to understand. Light is being shone on some really sad, systemic issues and as encouraged as I am to have it be brought into the light, it also hurts my heart to understand how much my friends and colleagues are hurting right now, and how that have been hurting all along.</p><p><br /></p><p>Oh, and this is an election year. The president was chosen officially last week, after several days of unrest in the nation as we awaited the ballot counts. Trump was voted out of office and Biden and Harris (the FIRST female Vice-President EVER) are going to lead our country.</p><p><br /></p><p>So... it's a lot.</p><p><br /></p><p>On top of it all, on a more personal level, I got engaged to the love of my life in March of this year. Our wedding is in 2 days and new COVID regulations have somehow made us MORE anxious and confused than we already were, as we're both feeling like there's nowhere to rest our minds on because everything is changing. It's not the way it used to be. It's not even a "new normal" because everything is changing so quickly that we haven't had time to establish any rhythms or see what "normal" could look like. We haven't had time to breathe. There seems to be nothing dependable... no solid footing to ground us.</p><p><br /></p><p>Which brings me to the bus. </p><p><br /></p><p>This morning, in the middle of a pandemic, an election year, and a year of division our country hasn't seen in a long time, the bus broke down.</p><p><br /></p><p>Upon reflection, I realized that there's something oddly comforting about city busses. I like how there's a set schedule, set bus fares, and set pickup / drop-off locations. I know that <i>so </i>many people depend on busses as their main transportation in the city. They're pretty reliable, I think, and I'd reckon to say that 99 out of 100 times, they're where they're supposed to be.</p><p><br /></p><p>Today was one of those days, though. The bus broke down, and there was nothing the bus driver could do but wait for it to be fixed. They couldn't fix it themselves, either. When I saw the broken-down bus, all I could think about was how sad I was for the people that were riding it. I immediately looked in the bus through the windows to see how they were... did they look frustrated? Were they content just sitting and waiting? How were they handling such a disruption in their otherwise dependable morning routine?</p><p><br /></p><p>It turns out that by the time the mechanic had arrived, the people must have been moved to another bus. The City took care of them, it seemed. Maybe I'm naïve and overly optimistic, but my assumption is that there was a backup bus there to finish the route, and it got there to rescue them pretty quickly. </p><p><br /></p><p>Each person on the bus this morning had a story. I wondered if they all had flexible start times at work, or if they were going to be late and reprimanded by their boss. I wondered if someone was late to an interview, or an important doctor's appointment. Chances are, <i>someone </i>on the bus was headed somewhere important. They chose to take the risk and ride the bus... and even though it's usually really predictable, there's always a chance it could break down. And today, it did.</p><p><br /></p><p>So, what lessons am I gleaning from this seemingly unimportant encounter with the broken-down bus?</p><p><br /></p><p>First... busses break down sometimes. Even the most dependable systems we have can fail, and in seconds what you thought you knew to be reliable can be just the opposite. In fact, maybe the only thing we can know without fail is that <b><i>everything fails sometimes</i></b>. It's just the world we live in. It sounds morbid, but it's true.</p><p><br /></p><p>Also, <b><i>people are resilient. </i></b>Like, the way we're able to adapt to literally everything around us changing is astounding! We have lived in a world of intense adaptation for almost a year now, and we're still chugging along. We're going with the flow and staying flexible. Mostly because we have no other option. But still. </p><p><br /></p><p>And lastly, the world keeps spinning even when the bus breaks down. Even when 20 people's mornings were rudely interrupted by the switching of a bus, they were still able to get to wherever they were going eventually, right? The broken down bus was replaced by a new one, fully gassed and ready to go. </p><p><br /></p><p>I'm still waiting on the other bus to come, I think. I'm sitting on the one that broke down, and I don't know how to fix the bus (I'm not a mechanic) so I sit and wait for a new one. It sounds lame... like maybe I should be rolling up my sleeves and trying to fix the bus while I wait?</p><p><br /></p><p>Or, I can be still and know that my God, the ultimate mechanic, has got this. He's coming, and He'll make it right. There's no sense in me throwing up my hands at the bus driver, or other passengers, and screaming "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! I NEED TO GET SOMEWHERE!" because it's not their fault. It's no one's fault... the bus just breaks down sometimes.</p><p><br /></p><p>And there's comfort in sitting on a broken down bus with other humans. How can I forge relationships with them while we wait? How can I offer them comfort, perhaps? There's no sense in misdirection my anger and frustration at them because after all, we're all in the same boat.</p><p><br /></p><p>Or... bus.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm still searching for solid footing, but I know it will come, because God keeps His promises. </p><p><br /></p><p>The first 2 verses of Psalm 40 read, </p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />"<span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">gave me a firm place to stand</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">. He </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">put</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;"> a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">put</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;"> their trust in the LORD"</span></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;"><b>Come, Lord Jesus. We put our trust in You.</b></span></span></div><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-65706781205343207202019-09-30T22:06:00.002-04:002019-09-30T22:06:28.769-04:00A Love Letter from my GodGod, I hate to admit it, but...<br />
I feel so alone.<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>I am with you always, to the very end of the age.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Yeah. but I feel unloved, you know?</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I want someone to be thinking about me right now.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>I chose you before the foundation of the world.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But I just want to be <i>known</i> by someone!</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Really truly, fully known.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>I have searched you and I know you.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Can't I just have a person, physically here with me?</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
To hold me?</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>I am holding you close to my heart.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I keep getting my hopes up.</div>
I'm so tired of being let down.<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>I will never leave nor forsake you.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<i>1. Matthew 28:20</i><br />
<i>2 . Ephesians 1:4</i><br />
<i>3 . Psalm 139:1</i><br />
<i>4 . Isaiah 40:11</i><br />
<i>5 . Deuteronomy 31:6</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-31994339665404193282019-09-25T13:14:00.003-04:002019-09-25T13:19:35.461-04:00Houses and Visions and Tensions (oh my!)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Unless the Lord builds the house,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> those who build it labor in vain.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This verse (Psalm 127:1) has been haunting me (in a good way!) over the past week or so. I'm such a planner that there have been countless times, even in the past few days, where I am in the middle of plotting something or worrying about something in the future and the Holy Spirit has gently reminded me...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Unless the Lord builds the house,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> those who build it labor in vain.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It convicts me. It stops me in my tracks. It gets to me every. single. time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because truth be told, I am trying so hard <i>all the time</i> to make sure things go "according to plan." I crave the satisfaction that comes from envisioning things going a certain way, and then watching them fold in exactly that fashion. And I'll do whatever it takes to weasel my way into the unfolding of it all, ensuring that I get my way. I course-correct and manipulate the situations that seem like they'll yield any other result than the one I had planned for. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And then, mid-manipulation, I am reminded:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Unless the Lord builds the house,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> those who build it labor in vain.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yesterday I heard a sermon by my church's head pastor, Brian Tome. It was entitled, "The Five Marks of a Man." He has a book. You can buy it <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Five-Marks-Man-Finding-Courageous-ebook/dp/B07D6Y64XT/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3FN6E8Q2LLWQ4&keywords=the+five+marks+of+a+man&qid=1561742424&s=books&sprefix=the+five+mark%2Caps%2C176&sr=1-1"><span class="s1">here</span></a> for thirteen bucks. The very first "mark" of men that he described was this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Men have _______, while boys live in the day-to-day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Any guesses on what fills the blank?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My mind immediately went to "a plan." Men have a plan. And if you aren't a big details person, then... yeah. That's pretty much the main point here. But if you do happen to care about details like me, then you'd note that the actual verbiage Brian uses is "a vision." Men have a <i>vision</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What's the difference? I'm so glad you asked!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Plans are for God, not us. God very rarely tell us His plan. I'm not denying the existence of plan and divine sovereignty over all things, either. Heck- I'm not even saying plans are inherently evil or sinful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But when planning becomes rooted in your identity like it has mine, there comes a time where you need to step back and lay your plans down at the feet of Jesus. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The book of Proverbs is filled the brim with so much wisdom- it's quite frankly all ABOUT wisdom and packed with wise words and counsel, through and through. And do you know what this super wise book has to say about our plans?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In their hearts humans <b>plan</b> their course,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">but the Lord establishes their steps.</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://dailyverses.net/proverbs/16/9"><b>Proverbs 16:9</b></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many are the <b>plans</b> in a person’s heart,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="s2"><a href="https://dailyverses.net/proverbs/19/21"><b>Proverbs 19:21</b></a></span><span class="s3"><b> </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Commit to the Lord whatever you do,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and he will establish your <b>plans</b>.</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://dailyverses.net/proverbs/16/3"><b>Proverbs 16:3</b></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This can become comforting, to an extent... it tells us that no matter what, God's plans are sovereign and He's the one in charge.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But (and there's always a "but" in the grey world we're living in), it's also kind of frustrating. Because okay, I get that God's plans are the ones that prevail. It's not my job to plan. Cool. Got it. Understood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So what do I do now?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How am I supposed to live my life? What does it mean to have a vision instead of a plan? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These are all questions that are swirling around in my head, and I'm not going to be able to tie anything up in a nice and tidy bow right now. But I think that's kind of the point, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I refuse to believe that God is sitting up in heaven with the blueprint of my life, looking down at me watching me try to stumble through a very particular and daunting maze, judging my every move. He's not watching me try and solve this complex math problem and criticizing me when I forget to carry my 1's or put my decimal points in the right place. I don't think God is concerned with me understanding the plan at all. He doesn't want a more proactive version of me, or a more organized me, or a more prepared me...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He just wants me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And He wants me to come to Him, and walk with Him, and fix my eyes on Him, and follow Him wherever He leads. The type of vision I have for my life is actually clearly defined in Scripture, because God actually tells me,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">-Jeremiah 29:11</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If I believe those words to be true, then I don't need to know the details. I actually don't <i>want</i> to, because I don't trust myself to live according to God's plan if I know about it ahead of time. I know my fickle heart too well. If there's something I don't like or didn't envision myself, I will do whatever it takes to change it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">God's been surrounding me with more wisdom in music playing around me and here are some gems that are helping me make sense of how to trust more:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Like Moses in the desert</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I wanna see the land</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But like Moses in the desert</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can’t fully see Your plan...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t wanna go if You’re not going before me.</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/1MOaO6K6N4U55utUuudcwm?si=Yrm2LlmgTkK0oTlueUmiSg">-I Don't Wanna Go, Chris Renzema</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All I did was praise</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All I did was worship</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All I did was bow down</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All I did was stay still</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hallelujah, You have saved me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So much better Your way</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hallelujah, great Defender</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So much better Your way</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3VHNtJNVPazkHGpeGgpoOd?si=7ymSNy9xQSyx3NyTZs75wA">-Defender, Francesca Battistelli</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There's a tension we're living in between being super planners and living without vision for our lives. It's difficult to navigate. It's impossible to do it on our own. I am making the decision to live in the tension, trusting God to lead me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because unless the LORD builds the house...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well, you get it.</span></div>
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Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-63251602153016738472019-09-16T11:08:00.000-04:002019-09-16T11:11:38.097-04:00You're right where you're supposed to be.<style type="text/css">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Our God is a jealous God.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">This has always sat weirdly with me. God can’t be JEALOUS, right? Isn’t He all good, all the time?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">But there are countless examples in Scripture where God is referred to as a jealous God. It has to mean something significant or it wouldn’t be mentioned so many times.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I think God wants us to put Him first in our lives. Heck, I KNOW this because it doesn’t get any clearer than “thou shalt not have any other gods before me.” It’s in the rules. In fact, it's the FIRST rule. It's in the Ten Commandments. It’s crystal clear.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">But what does that mean practically for our lives? I think the answer may go a little deeper than some rules written on a stone tablet.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">(Side note: is that why our iPads and Kindles are called “tablets?” Another blog post idea.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">So if God wants us to put Him first, that means He also does NOT want anything to come before Him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Like, anything.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And I’m such a control freak that sometimes I can convince myself that I’m trusting in God and putting His will above my own when I’m really just working behind the scenes, manipulating situations so that even if they don’t turn out “my way,” they at least turn out “my way #2.” In other words, I’m SUCH a planner that I have backups for times where I can “surrender it all to God!” because I’m too afraid of actually surrendering. I want control so much that I can’t fully surrender and trust. I have to have a backup, just in case.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Anyone else out there relate to this? Am I just crazy?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Like, take the situation I’m in right now for example. I have this plan for my life, and it doesn’t directly go against anything God says to be good and true, so I naturally am claiming it as the “right way” or the “sovereign plan” for my life. But, there are a lot of unknowns. There are other people involved. I can’t fully control the outcome. So instead of laying it ALL down at Jesus’ feet and say, “Your will be done!” I decide it’s probably better for me to just end it myself, before I get the chance to be disappointed. I can’t control all the pieces, so it’s better to just end it now. Cut off the potential. Press “pause” on the dream. Because at least this way, I’ll be in control of the loss instead of having it forced upon me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And the worst part? I try to put God in a box throughout of all it, putting timelines and conditions on Him. I say things like “If ____ doesn’t happen by ____, it’s just not meant to be. It’s probably not in God’s will. So I should just pull the plug now.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">How silly of me to think God can operate inside my tiny confines of my time table! It’s barely been three days without a clear answer and somehow I think that’s enough to warrant action- for me to proactively and preemptively end things because it’s easier that way. And I somehow do it in God’s name because I asked for Him to move! And if He didn’t, then I guess I need to, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Wrong. Truth time:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">God’s ways are higher than mine. My tiny brain cannot comprehend just how deeply He cares for me and how desperately He wants to bring me to Himself. His timing is far better than mine, and His will is good and perfect.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I’m building idols and altars to worship what my heart wants and desires and it is not okay. Not when my ways go before God. Not when my BACKUP plans go before God, either.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The specifics of the situation I’m in right now aren’t necessarily important. What matters is that I’m living in this tension- between what I want and where I am right now, without it. And I know God wants me to put Him first, even now. Especially now!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Because when I pull the plug on potential because I’m too anxious in the waiting, I leave no room for trusting God. I have no need to, because I can control it all myself.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s the opposite of putting my faith in the thing I desire (which is also a problem, but that’s another talk for another day)- it’s putting faith in myself and whatever the heck I decide, because I have a trust problem. And if I can’t get what I want, when I want it, then I make the decision to stop wanting it for my own self-preservation.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Right now, I’m feeling God call me closer to Him, even in the midst of all of this uncertainly and loss of control. I’m right where I need to be to grow and be challenged. The obstacles I’m facing aren’t aimless or painful just for the sake of pain. God’s using them as a training ground so I can make the decision to put Him first, above the potential and above the backup plan, in case it doesn’t work out.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I trust Him because He is good and He’ll never EVER let me down.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-converted-space">Leaving ya with some killer lyrics from "New Wine" by Hillsong Worship:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span>
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<div jsname="U8S5sf" style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">In the crushing</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">In the pressing</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">You are making</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">New wine</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">In the soil, I</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">Now surrender</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">You are breaking</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge">New ground</span></i></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></i></span><br /></span>
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<div class="secrsf" jsname="U8S5sf" style="color: #222222; margin-top: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"><span jsname="YS01Ge">So I yield to You and to Your careful hand</span><br /><span jsname="YS01Ge"><u>When I trust You I don't need to understand</u></span></i></span></div>
<div class="secrsf" jsname="U8S5sf" style="color: #222222; margin-top: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div class="secrsf" jsname="U8S5sf" style="color: #222222; margin-top: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Trusting and <i>not</i> needing to understand everything. Here goes nothing!</span></span></div>
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<br />Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-32758259035070149562019-09-15T16:51:00.002-04:002019-09-15T16:51:10.394-04:00It doesn't have to make sense.Friends, I'm going to try and write this post as coherently as I possibly can, but fair warning: the stuff I'm about to say is TRIPPY and it's probably going to sound a little out there. This is the deep end, people. Buckle up.<br />
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So I've been noticing a lot of seemingly opposite things in my life that are somehow both true and real, and yet... separate. They don't really make any sense. Let me explain. A pretty common example is spurred by the age-old question,<br />
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"Is God in control, or does man have free will?"<br />
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The short answer is "Well, both..." right?<br />
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But how?<br />
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How can God be in charge of EVERYTHING and yet I can choose the shirt I put on each morning? Or bigger decisions, too! I can choose where to go to college or what jobs to apply for, or who to date. Me. I can decide that. But doesn't God know every page in my book, before I even think or say anything? How is that possible? It has to be one or the other, right?<br />
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Or what about how God is a God of grace AND truth.<br />
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He forgives us, but is also a God of truth an justice and fairness. How? Doesn't forgiveness mean I'm... well... forgiven? Doesn't truth imply there's a sense of falsehood out there, too, and if I'm not careful, I can fall into sin? But... I'm forgiven, so that makes it okay? Oh wait... no? It's not okay to keep living outside of God's truth, and there are consequences for my sin? But what about forgiveness? They're too different things, aren't they? It doesn't make sense.<br />
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And let's talk for a minute about surrender. Is it giving up, or giving in? I know that in order to surrender, I am fully laying everything down at the feet of Jesus... and then what? Do I just sit idly, waiting for Him to do something? I did my part, right? I surrendered. So what am I supposed to do now? Isn't faith without works DEAD?<br />
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There are so, so many times in my faith where I'm confronted with two seemingly opposing approaches to following Jesus. And it doesn't make any sense! My brain works in a super black and white way, (<a href="http://devotionsbycarly.blogspot.com/2019/09/1000-shades-of-grey.html" target="_blank">see one of my previous posts,</a>) and it's actually really hard for me to think through what a "both" solution can look like, practically. In the real world. Right now.<br />
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Do I wait for God to move, or should I? Do I wait on Him and practice patience, or work and walk (in confidence!) with Jesus?<br />
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I don't really know the answer, to be honest. And I started writing today not to answer the question but to just get it written down so I can more clearly think and pray about it.<br />
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What does following Jesus actually look like... what is required of me? Does it all even HAVE to make sense anyway?<br />
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This verse just came to mind, so I'll leave it below:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Micah 6:8 - What God is Looking For (The Message)</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" id="en-MSG-9652" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">what <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">God</span> is looking for in men and women.</span></span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">be compassionate and loyal in your love,</span></span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">And don’t take yourself too seriously—</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">take God seriously.</span></span></span><br />
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The <b>N</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>IV</b> puts it this way:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" id="en-NIV-22657" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">And what does the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> require of you?</span></span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">To act justly<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-22657W" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-22657W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and to love mercy</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and to walk humbly with your God.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">I don't think God is asking us to know all the answers. In fact, if the ONLY thing God requires of us is to walk with Him and love people, than a lot of us are pretty solid. I would venture to say that these questions... the faith & works, trust & obey, grace & truth, play & purpose questions... exist because God wants us to grow closer to Him by digging deeper and inching closer to the heart of it all.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">In short: It doesn't have to make sense.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Mic-6-8" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">A wise man once sent me an excerpt of a book written by another wise man:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><i>Destiny isn't something you discover by seeking it. It's a by-product. You don't find it by looking for it. You find it by looking for God. Then your destiny finds you.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">-Mark Batterson, <i>Chase the Lion</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Here's to trusting <i>and</i> questioning & waiting <i>and</i> running.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">Yep, makes sense to me.</span>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-43673843510331254972019-08-23T16:21:00.000-04:002019-09-16T10:58:32.458-04:00Wouldn't it be nice?Wouldn't it be nice if we could get what we wanted as soon as we wanted it?<br />
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(Just kidding.)<br />
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Or am I?<br />
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I'm mostly kidding. But what the heck-- you're probably wondering <i>what</i> I want so badly, so here goes.<br />
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I want to be loved by a man so, SO much that he'd do anything for me. That he'd lay his life down for me (both literally and figuratively, in the form of a career, salary, reputation, and the like) and would be there for me no matter what. His devotion would be undying. He wouldn't care about the house or the image or the paycheck because he doesn't want those things more than <i>he wants me.</i><br />
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Is that too idealistic? Let me clarify that I'm not asking for a perfect person. I know that doesn't exist. And I'm not perfect, either. I'm not expecting to be adored because I did/achieved enough to deserve adoration <i>but</i> because of the grace that comes from following Jesus. I don't want love because I think I'm "too good to settle" or "deserve something great" but because the Creator of the universe calls me His own. He says I'm beloved and valuable and I want someone else to see me that way, too.<br />
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I want someone to love me so much they're excited to see me when I walk into a room. I want them to want to hold my hand and walk me to my car and kiss me on the cheek. I want them to be proud to be with me and to want to brag about me in front of people because they know I'm a "word of affirmation" type girl and it means a lot when people notice me.<br />
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I want to be noticed. And thought about. And prayed for.<br />
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More than anything, I want someone who loves Jesus <i>so</i> much that he's driven to imitate Him in all aspects of his life. I want him to sacrifice for others for no other reason other than Christ's love compelling him to humble himself and put the needs of others above his own.<br />
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This world already makes us confident and driven and embeds a natural compulsion towards self-interest and success. That's why I don't care much about those traits.<br />
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I want someone who is different than all of those things. Someone who loves me like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.<br />
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I know men like this exist. And I trust that God has one of them out there who is also praying for a kind of woman that will respect and love him, too. I am hopeful and I'm choosing to trust even when I cannot see him right in front of me, cuddled up next to me as I write. (But man, wouldn't that be nice?)<br />
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<br />Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-69134558213942377542019-06-01T16:20:00.000-04:002019-09-16T10:58:06.941-04:001000 Shades of GreyI think people prefer a binary world. Things are good or bad. Black or white. Republican or Democrat. Optimism or pessimism. You get it.<br />
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And I, Carly, am <i>especially</i> binary. I prefer to live in a world where things are clearly right or wrong, and we need to choose the right side and stick to it. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. It's cut and dry. It's clean and clear. It's black and white.<br />
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But the older I get (WARNING: I'm about to sound like an old person), the more clearly I see that the world we live in is just really, really GREY.<br />
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Things aren't clearly spelled out for us sometimes. There's a lot of wandering around like we're trying to find the light-switch in a dark, unfamiliar room. We want things to be clearly right or wrong but there's just <i>so</i> much to consider and <i>so</i> many different beliefs, opinions, and perspectives, and no matter how much easier it is for our tiny little brains to comprehend when things are either "this" or "that," sometimes we're forced to really sit down and consider that which is grey. And then reconsider. Then reconsider again.<br />
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And let me be clear: It. Is. Exhausting.<br />
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It's so much easier for my brain to digest the following scenarios:<br />
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<i>People that look like me are good, and people who don't look like me are bad.</i><br />
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Or,<br />
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<i>People who think like me are right, and people who don't think like me are wrong.</i><br />
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I mean we all do this, right? It's easier for our brains to jump to far ends of the spectrum and stick our flags in the sand and sit down next to them in righteous indignation and say, "This is the way it is. I've made up my mind and I'm sticking to it. Don't even try to show me the other side."<br />
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And as a person of faith, it had been relatively easy for me to live like this growing up, because I thought I had God on my side. When other church people agreed with me, and the Bible briefly mentioned something along the lines of what I believed, I felt that I had the right to be set in my ways. Because I believed it was God's way. And who can disagree with GOD?!<br />
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I don't think God operates the same way we do in our little two-sided coin world, though. People tried to find controversial issues and present them to Jesus and have Him "pick a side." In my pretty limited knowledge of Scripture, I don't think He ever was never presented with two options and was just like, "Yep, Option #1 is correct. Sorry, people who believe Option #2. You're wrong. I choose #1." (I haven't fact-checked this, but I think of stories where people were literally "plotting to entangle him in his words" and Jesus just blew their minds instead.)<br />
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Sometimes, I don't think it has to be either/or. I think it can be both.<br />
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For example, when the Pharisees really tried to stump Jesus...<br />
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<i>Is it lawful to pay taxes to Ceasar, or not? </i>They asked.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">"R<em style="background-color: white;">ender to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." </em><span style="background-color: white;">He replied.</span></span><br />
<em style="background-color: white; color: #525151; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, "Bitstream Vera Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></em>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Boom. Roasted. It's both in this case.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But there are other stories where people ask Jesus a question and he flips it back at them, making them become more introspective. And I think this is the coolest part...</span></span><br />
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God cares more about our desire to know Him than our desire to answer the "which side are you on?" questions.<br />
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God is above the binary, this-or-that ways of this world. There's often a third way. Or a fourth. Or a tenth. Or, we're asking the wrong questions.<br />
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If God wants us to grow closer to Him, and we're seeking Him when we wrestle with tough questions, than it can be presumed that He wants us to wrestle. Paul even applauds people for asking questions and not just accepting what the status quo of the time was.<br />
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Jesus died on a cross to create an everlasting bridge between God and the world. He came to bring together, not to separate. If we find ourselves wayyyy on one side of an issue, it may mean we're unwilling to meet with/speak to people on the other side, which is contrary to the character of Jesus the King of restoration and unity.<br />
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The reality is that we're living in this weird world where God is present but there's also a lot of sin and it's messy and difficult to navigate. There aren't 50 shades of grey to navigate, there are 1000. Maybe more.<br />
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And in order to try and 1) love God and 2) love others, I think we need to 1) seek His face first and 2) love on people who may think differently than us. That is all.<br />
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<br />Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-77243537626898694112018-12-02T11:31:00.002-05:002018-12-02T11:31:51.623-05:00"If you want something more, you have to believe there is something more."I want to start writing again. It's been a while since I've written about my life updates and lately, if I'm honest, I feel like my life is a little stale. Maybe it's because I love to be active and busy and go to new places and try new things, but lately I've begun to feel just kind of "settled."<br />
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That's not a bad thing, right? To have a steady job and an apartment and weekly church commitments, and a group of friends I see regularly, and a boyfriend I'm close to... these are all good things. But alas, I'm craving something <i>more</i>. Specifically, I want to do something more to have a greater impact on the world.<br />
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I know, I know. How very millennial of me.<br />
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The thing is, I've always felt called to ministry. Ever since I was like 15. Starting high school, I made a commitment to read the Bible in a year and blog about it every day. I think the posts still live on this site somewhere. (They're just... old. And probably misinformed interpretations of scripture, come to think of it!)<br />
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But you know, that year I grew in my faith SO much and I was constantly being encouraged by those that read my posts. It was like people were strengthening this calling I felt. They'd tell me I was good with words, and that they enjoyed reading my take on Scripture. My grandma read my posts every single day and commented on them. Strangers would read my posts and be encouraged. I encouraged my friends. Some of them even started their own blogs. I was so encouraged and I really wanted to go into ministry as a career.<br />
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Guess how my parents felt about that? (Not great.)<br />
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"You can live your <i>life</i> as a ministry to others. What are you going to do-- become a preacher? Preachers don't make a living-- you can have just as big of an impact volunteering with your church."<br />
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As I look back on these words, I tend to agree with my parents, for the most part. I <i>have</i> lived my life as a ministry to others. I <i>do</i> have an impact on women, young adults, and kids through volunteering at my church. They're not wrong.<br />
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But they kind of assumed that working in ministry-- as a vocation-- was a bad choice. I quickly started looking into other "callings" and kind of forgot about the ministry thing altogether.<br />
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Except now... I'm comfortable. The craziness of graduating from college and finding a job and getting my own place and paying bills has faded. It's not stressing me out anymore (hallelujah). Life is good and normal and calm.<br />
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In the quietness, I've been able to focus more on my relationship with Christ. I've been making time to listen to Him and what He wants for my life, and for the first time in a LONG time, I've been reminded of the calling I felt when I was a teenager. I remember that I'm gifted in writing. And communicating. And teaching. And I have a passion for understanding Scripture more and teaching others about what it means for their lives.<br />
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I lead a group on Tuesday nights and it has been SUCH a divine joy to see people grow into new places in their relationships with Jesus. To see the "lightbulb moments" have been so, <i>so</i> rewarding. I want to continue to help others grow. And I think that means studying Scripture more and really focusing on listening to this calling. It may only be a whisper right now, but I'm actively seeking God and my prayer is to hear Him loud and clear.<br />
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My pastor, Brian Tome, said today that if you want something more, you have to believe there is something more.<br />
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I believe there is something more and that God is always wanting me to grow closer and closer to Him. I want something more than the way I am living now-- not out of discontentment or boredom-- but out of a desire to take bold leaps of faith and trust God in the unknown. I believe His plans for me are good and that there is something more for my life and for the world.<br />
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God,<br />
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Guide me and continue whispering your calling over my life. I want to be bold for you and I want to see Your kingdom come. Show me how I can be apart of it, God. I need You to be with me every step of the way. I will listen to what You say.<br />
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Amen<br />
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<br />Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-38299056078017306992018-03-16T10:52:00.001-04:002018-03-16T10:52:36.284-04:00What are your plans after graduation? Part Two.If I weren't frustrated by this question enough in my first post, I surely am now.<br />
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I'm not frustrated that people are interested in my life, or my "plans" for a career... no. I'm frustrated because that question very rarely has to do with what I'm <i>actually</i> excited/passionate about doing when I graduate, and more to do with whether or not their expectations match with whatever comes out of my mouth next.<br />
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For example, many will ask the "What are your plans after graduation?" question, and because nothing is certain yet, I will respond with something that has gotten me excited lately, which usually has something to do with a job of sorts.<br />
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They immediately try to equate my response to something they're familiar with, like "Oh, I had a friend that worked at a bank once," or "My roommate from college studied Marketing." Then, inevitably, the question that comes next is "How much would they pay you?"<br />
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I've been doing this Journey with my church called the OBSESSED Journey. We spent 4 weeks intensively studying our spending habits, our hearts for giving, and what impact we can have on the world if we were to fix our eyes on building the Kingdom instead of building up our own sense of comfort, control, and comparison.<br />
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I feel very strongly that if I make money the #1 factor in determining whether or not I have a "good job," then I'm making money my <b>master</b>. As Jesus warns us in Matthew 6:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>-Matthew 6:24 NIV</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't want to value money so much that it masters me. I understand that we need money to live, and that I can't work for free.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">But it's so strange-- as soon as I mention anything along the lines of "It doesn't pay well, but I would love the work that I'm doing," people immediately pounce and retort, "You need to make enough to sustain yourself, Carly!" </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Which is a little insulting, actually. I <i>know </i>that. In fact, I've spent the past four weeks studying scripture and talking with mentors and hearing sermons about money and the intersection of God and money. The bottom line is that I trust my God to provide for my needs, and I want to use the gifts and talents He's given me to further His kingdom. Period.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't care about the dollar amount, so long as my needs are met. This simple statement is like a nuclear bomb being dropped in the minds of people I've talked to... they can't fathom how making just enough to support myself is okay with me. I guess it all comes down to priorities, and what I feel is essential when I'm searching for a job. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Here is a handy list of things I do NOT consider important, and do NOT wish to let master me:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">1. The prestige of the company</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">2. The job title</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">3. Others' wishes and expectations for my life</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Conversely, here are the only three things I care about:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>1. Am I making enough to sustain myself,</b> and have a modest amount of savings for emergencies, etc?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>2. Am I being paid "fairly" for the work I'm doing? </b>(Please note: if both the employer and employee are satisfied with the payment the employee is receiving in exchange for the work they're providing for the employer, I consider this to be "fair.")</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>3. Am I furthering the Kingdom of God in some way? </b>(It's hard to find a job where this wouldn't be true... unless I was working for a regime that participates in mass murder, child labor, slavery, etc.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">I'm a simply lady. I'm not asking for a lot, and I know that the Lord is preparing me for meaningful work that will provide for my needs. I have peace about both of those things, but it seems that worldly definitions of success are constantly tearing away little pieces of peace and I want to reclaim them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">So, here's to trusting and ditching my "plans" for His.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-46047976351081594332018-02-12T19:51:00.000-05:002018-03-16T10:53:08.007-04:00What are your plans after graduation?If I can be brutally honest, I am sick of this question. Yes, partly because I don't know what I'm going to do after I graduate, but mostly because of something a friend helped me realize today. I'm frustrated with the "what are your plans?" question because I have always believed that ultimately, God's plans are the ones that matter, <i>not mine</i>.<br />
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There is such a delicate balance between grit and grace-- between sitting on your butt, waiting for blessings to fall from the sky and actually putting in the hours to make things happen. I believe God operates in the middle of this polarized spectrum, perfectly, like only He can. But it's hard, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, sometimes even <i>physically</i>, to walk that line in the middle... to "be still and know He is God" but then to act upon what you hear when you've heard from Him.<br />
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It's hard and it's exhausting and the "what are your plans?" question has only added to the frustration. It's almost like the world is trying to convince me I have to plan it all out, and if I don't have it all planned out, that I'm somehow failing as a student and job seeker.<br />
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I think this is largely an identity problem, though. If my identity is "student," then yeah, it's in a student's final semester to line up a job. If my identity is "job seeker," then I've got to spend all my time making myself as marketable as I can, tirelessly submitting applications, writing cover letters, updating LinkedIn profiles, etc.<br />
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I'm not either of those things, though. (Okay, I am.) But neither of those titles encompass my identity.<br />
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Before my heart was beating, before I was born, I belonged to God. He created me. He knows me. <i>His</i> plans for me are good and I'm called to trust that. It't not like He's ever let me down before... in fact, the times where life has seemed the hardest were largely a result of something I tried to accomplish without Him. Times when I had tried to force things, control things, be "in charge" of things because I'm not patient enough to wait for Him.<br />
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I want what God wants for me. I know His plans are better than anything I could ever imagine, so WHY is it so hard to just submit to that? Stupid human nature. Stupid sin.<br />
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I can't do it on my own strength, but the good news is that He is the One who sustains me. Here goes nothing.<br />
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<br />Carlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16887947815079606152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-85932361481622599442018-01-01T22:45:00.003-05:002018-01-01T22:45:23.456-05:00Say.I haven't been thinking that much about a New Year's Resolution, and it's January 1st. I did, however, stumble upon an interesting idea and like most things, I will contemplate its potential by ranting about it in a blog post. Here goes nothing.<br />
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<i>Even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken...</i><br />
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<i>Do it with a heart wide open.</i><br />
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<i>Say what you need to say.</i><br />
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<i>It's better to say too much that to never say what you need to say.</i><br />
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<i>-John Mayer</i><br />
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I think almost every miscommunication I've ever encountered in almost all of my interactions with people can be attributed to one party (or both parties) being afraid to say what they need to say. Call it what you want, too... there are many things that you can replace "<i>say what they need to say</i>" with.<br />
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People are afraid the truth will <i>hurt someone's feelings</i>.<br />
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People are afraid to say something for fear that i<i>t'll reveal something about their identity they are insecure about.</i><br />
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Maybe it's how I was raised, or <i>where</i> I was raised (thanks, relentless Midwest politeness), but I'm just now beginning to realize how incredibly difficult it is to have an honest, transparent conversation with people because I (or they) ((or both of us)) are tip-toeing around what we <i>really</i> need to say.<br />
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This leads to miscommunications more often than not. It leads to confusion, or misunderstanding, and in some cases, dishonesty. We're afraid of putting the truth out there.<br />
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And I'm not saying we should all go around shouting whatever comes to our minds. Lord knows the world has enough people who want to have their opinions broadcasted. That's why we have Facebook.<br />
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No, I'm talking about <i>real</i> communication, person to person. My New Year's Resolution is to be more honest with people, realizing that sometimes the most loving thing to do is not sugar-coat things, or beat around the bush, but to be truthful in the way I feel for overall good of the relationship. It's not doing anyone good in the long run if I hide behind pleasantries and empty responses. If I tell people what I think they want to hear, I am not being honest, and the root of the problems in question will never be brought to light.<br />
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I get nervous being honest sometimes, which is strange. If I'm not aiming to hurt anyone with my words, and I believe they are useful for building stronger relationships, then why am I hesitant? I suppose it's easier in the short term... but this year, I want to do a better job of articulating things in a way that is still loving, polite, etc, but <i>also</i> true and good and pure and honest.<br />
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So, here's to following John Mayer's advice and "saying what I need to say."<br />
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Or taking Switchfoot's advice and "saying it like I mean it."<br />
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May it be a year of sweaty palms that gradually get used to speaking what is good, pure, and honest, and true.<br />
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And maybe I'll exercise a little more, too.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2575047641348244597.post-70524073161004174452017-06-02T21:30:00.003-04:002017-06-02T21:30:35.467-04:00The World that We Live In- A Prayer Brandon Flowers, the lead singer of The Killers, included a beautiful lyric in one of his songs, "The World that We Live In."<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">This is the world that we live in, and I feel myself get tired.</span></i><br />
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Boy, is this ever true. I just started a new job this summer, which is so exciting, but in all of that excitement I have been so busy adjusting to working life that I really haven't had time to poke my head out and look up at the world around me. In some respects, that's a good thing. I have been able to temporarily shield myself from state of our nation and the hurtful rhetoric being used against the least of these.<br />
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However, when I do have time, or if there is something that is just too big to ignore, it hits me like a train. I am suddenly, instantly aware of just how broken our world is, and how deeply we need our Lord Jesus to come.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Maranatha</i></span>.<br />
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And, when I get overwhelmed… When my thoughts are too vast and too incomprehensible and I have a hard time sleeping at night, I find it helpful to write about it. This process is very much for my own benefit, but maybe some of the pieces I try to put together will make sense in a language that you can understand.<br />
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This is the first presidential election that I could take part in. I am not trying to boast, but I followed the candidates pretty closely, and I did my research for every ballot that I cast… Even (well, especially) at the local level. Maybe I took my research a little too far, but it seems like everyone around me who had been voting for a while just kind of took the process for granted. (It is also possible that my OCD ensured that I was hyper-aware of how certain candidates and certain policies would affect both the people I cared about, and the people that I am called to care about... but that's another story for another day.)<br />
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My point is, I was crushed when Trump won the election. I cried, and I mourned. I talked to my mom on the phone about it, and she assured me that everything would be okay, like a good mother does, and that it's normal for the media to be on this ruthless frenzy after a new election, especially when parties change. "It will all blow over before you know it," she told me, "and it won't even make that much of a difference."<br />
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And maybe I'm just a worrier, and maybe I am a little overempatheic, but things are definitely much more different now, right?<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">This is no ordinary election. </span></i><br />
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The piercing, hurtful way that we all treat each other, whether online or in person, is somehow universally accepted… The blatant disregard we have for truth and honesty… Surely this is unprecedented. Surely this can't be the way it has always been.<br />
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The craziest part for me is that God knew about this all along… The second that sin entered the world, He knew. He knew that immigrants and refugees seeking a safe place from harm would be mocked, ridiculed, and prohibited from entering our country. He knew that our earth, His Earth, rather, would be decimated and destroyed by the people He entrusted it to. He knew that race and class would divide, even after He sent His Son to die and make us One. He knew that fear and hate would reign in the hearts of his people. How wholly must He mourn.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">How deeply must His heart break</span></i>.<br />
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And my heart is breaking, too.<br />
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I was told that I am to be in the world, but not of it.<br />
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I know that I am not of this world, but it is so hard to continue to be in a place plagued by so much hurt and so much sin. If you are a follower of Jesus, you are needed now more than ever.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Lord, come.</i></span><br />
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Help us continue to fight the good fight, to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Let us stand on the side of Your truth and justice, and honor the poor. Let us be slow to anger and quick to forgive. Amen.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2