Devotions

 " Don't ever miss out on a woman with a guarded heart . She's usually protecting the deepest most caring soul you'll ever know"  -Sylvester McNutt I don't know who Sylvester McNutt is, nor do I think this particular quote says anything radical or life-changing. I posted it because when I Googled "guard your heart," there were a slew of random quotes and bad (like, really bad) stock images to choose from, and it made me wonder what the phrase even means .  Does it mean to be guarded, like as a person? Private? Skeptical? Shy?  Does it mean to save yourself for your future husband / wife? Does it mean to protect your heart and all your fragile feelings? Let's get down to it.  The passage I read today is Proverbs 4... specifically verse 23, but we'll get into that later. Proverbs 4 is, like most passages in the book of Proverbs, about wisdom and what it means to "get wisdom" and "be wise." This specific Proverb is titled ...

 Well, in my "Phonics and Literacy" course yesterday, we focused completely on spelling and writing, and why kids stop loving to write... how we write, hold our pencils, etc. I saw it as a little nudge from my Father, yet again, for me to keep on writing... so here I sit.  I've been reflecting on a few posts ago... about be being a "try-hard" and how I wish I weren't "so much" all the time. A book I was reading yesterday said that amazingly, most women feel they are both "too much" and "not enough" at the same time, which is hard to conceptualize I'm sure for men. But I'd venture to say that most women get it. Because with every "too much," there's a corresponding "not enough." It's like a double-whammy.  I wish I weren't so talkative. I'm not quiet enough. I wish I weren't so hyperactive. I'm not peaceful enough.  I wish I weren't so judgmental. I'm not gracious enough...

Warning: this post is not going inspire you. I'll be lucky if it even makes sense. But there's something inside me telling me to write again... you can call it a calling, if you want.  I feel that my Father wants to connect with me and this is oftentimes how I think is best for me to do that-- which, when you think about it, is INSANE.  The God of the universe wants to connect to ME. He sees ME and sees how I best communicate Him, and since He wants intimacy with me, He's been slowly and quietly nudging me to get back into the blogging game. So, here I sit.  I'm going to force myself to write something - even if it's a short prayer of apology for not making enough time to write something profound - every day this week. I even took off work this morning... not to write, specifically, but to have a little time of rest before a busy week.  I woke up with a big headache after crying last night- something that doesn't happen too often, but when it does, I'm wreck...

Okay, friends. You want to hear something really confusing? (Or really wonderful, if you love words?) The Bible was not originally written in English, but a few different languages that have been translated into English. So, there's a bit left up for interpretation (literally) and depending on who translates the word and from what language, there can be a few different meanings.  If you're a "glass half full" kind of person, you may find it fascinating. Each translation is a new opportunity to gain a better, fuller understanding of God's Word! Learning more about what the original translation said and the author's intended meaning can bring a certain richness to the scriptures, I think.  But what about when you're trying to understand what God is saying to you about a verse that's been on your mind lately... one that you feel He's trying to speak to you through? What if, hypothetically, you looked it up just now via Google, and clicked on BibleHu...

Today we'll be reflecting on Paul's letter to the Romans, a special passage that I selected because it makes me feel less alone. It's one of Paul's rather rant-ish monologues, so maybe that's why I relate to it so much. Or perhaps it's my human nature that connects me to his writings... the world may never know. It's going to sound pretty depressing, I'll warn you. But I'm determined to understand it, because if there's even a glimmer of  hope in it, I want to find it. Read his words in Romans Chapter 7, starting at verse 15 (my thoughts are NOT in italics) "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Redundant, but oddly relatable) And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.   As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. (Wait, what?) For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do w...

 This morning, I was driving to work and saw a city bus broken down on the side of the road. There weren't any people on it, but there was a service truck parked behind it, and a guy underneath on his back with a tool fixing something. It got me thinking about things (as one often does, on a car ride to work,) and I thought I'd share. Mostly because a lot is going on right now, and I want to process how I'm feeling and what crazy, unpredictable, anxious thoughts are tumbling around in my brain. As you can see from the time stamp of this post, the year is 2020. It's been a really, terribly, unfathomably unpredictable year for most humans on Earth for one reason or another. First, there's a literal worldwide pandemic happening right now called COVID-19. It's currently taken the lives of 1.29 million people and over 52 million have gotten the virus. It's turned almost every aspect of "everyday life" on its head.  Restaurants are closing. Bars close ea...

God, I hate to admit it, but... I feel so alone. I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Yeah. but I feel unloved, you know? I want someone to be thinking about me right now. I chose you before the foundation of the world. But I just want to be known by someone! Really truly, fully known. I have searched you and I know you. Can't I just have a person, physically here with me? To hold me? I am holding you close to my heart. I keep getting my hopes up. I'm so tired of being let down. I will never leave nor forsake you. 1.  Matthew 28:20 2 .  Ephesians 1:4 3 .  Psalm 139:1 4 .  Isaiah 40:11 5 .  Deuteronomy 31:6