Four Years of Wheel-Running
Sooooo it's been over a year since I have last blogged. Oops.
What happened, you ask?
Life. Life happened. I remember being a little freshman at the high school, four years ago, hearing the words of my senior mentors, "This year will be over before you know it. High school will be over before you know it, and you'll be graduating in the blink of an eye." I never believed them, because at that age I unsurprisingly thought that I knew everything, but here I sit. Months away from walking the stage, speaking to my class, and going off to college for another four years.
What the heck.
The worst part is that I feel... empty, I guess? I'm not sure if that's the word I'm looking for, but we'll go for it. I just feel unfulfilled, like four years have passed, and here I sit. Months away from graduation. What do I have to show for it?
Good grades?
A Scholarship?
A few new friends?
I just feel like a little furry hamster, running on this wheel because everyone else is. And there's a big piece of cheese in front of me, and that's what's keeping me going, but it's almost as if I'll never reach it. Like I keep running, thinking "Maybe I'll reach that cheese today! No? Okay, maybe tomorrow! It'll be even better tomorrow, just keep working hard!"
I know it sounds depressing, but it's healthy to be honest with myself every now and then. To exhale and know that even if things suck right now, at least I can recognize that they suck, and I'm not living this lie that everything is fine. The only way to get out of a sucky cycle is realizing that I'm in one first. So, here I sit.
I think a major problem is that I'm impatient for things in the future, because I think it'll be better. So I just keep hoping for it, like a little furry hamster on a wheel. If I keep chasing the cheese, I can never stop, really. just keep pushing forward.
Is progress bad? Of course not. It's good to set goals. I mean, I'm sitting on a full ride to college because I set that goal for myself four years ago. So goals are pretty good. But when I keep looking towards the future, I forget about the present. And if I never acknowledge where I am in the present, I'll never be able to enjoy the goals I set and achieve for myself, because when I reach one goal, I'll just be looking for another, and another, etc.
Let's take boys for example. Four years ago, I really wanted a boyfriend. I was looking really hard for one, making sure I looked just right, that my makeup was just the right amount of natural and superficial, and one day I stumbled upon one.
Then, I wanted all the stuff that comes with a relationship. As soon as I realized I had reached my "goal," per say, I wanted the next step. I wanted to get serious. I wanted to get Facebook official. I wanted to introduce him to my family. I wanted to outline our futures together. I was only fourteen, for heaven's sake.
Then, we broke up. I wanted to start all over again, and I still want to, kinda. I want to get a steady, Christian boyfriend that loves me for me, no matter how much makeup I'm wearing. I want him to make me a better person, and lift me up when I'm down. I want him to go out of his way to make me feel special. I want him to have his own goals, and support my goals, and let me support his. I want the affirmation from someone that I'm cool and funny and pretty and that I smell nice and that I have a good head on my shoulders and that I'm not completely crazy, and if I am crazy that he's okay with that because there's no one else he'd rather grow closer to Christ with than me.
But I guess I'm realizing that if I spend all my time looking for this mystical, somewhat perfect person, I just keep chasing after the piece of cheese on my stupid wheel. And when I find him, I won't even enjoy our dating because I'll be too consumed with our wedding. When we get married, I'll be too occupied with wanting to have kids that I won't be able to savor the first few years of our marriage. And then when we have kids, I'll be concerned with their futures too, which adds a whole other layer to the sandwich. It's just this never ending cycle that's constantly hoping for something more, something better, something greater... and in the meantime, I neglect what God's blessed me with in the present.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
The last line, the "so we fix our eyes" part, has always been one of my favorite verses. It's gotten me through some pretty tough times, and the hope I have in Jesus is not in vain. I'm not saying we should stop hoping for things. Christ is coming again, and that should make us happy and hopeful to encounter his New Earth.
Did you notice, though, that Paul writes, "we are being renewed day by day?" He doesn't say "One day, you'll be renewed. Just be patient, and keep hoping for what you don't have."
No, he's pretty clear when he mentions the days. Our momentary troubles are preparing us for an eternal glory, and every single DAY God is putting situations in your life to strengthen and better you. Wow that's cool.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:25, 33, 34 NIV
This time Jesus is doing the talking. So you better listen up. We are NOT to worry about stuff in the future. Let your little cheese fall down and stop running. Stop. Smell the roses. Feel the earth beneath your feet. Breath deeply, pray in every moment, and ENJOY God forever, not just one day in the future.
Don't hopelessly wait for things you don't have, forgetting what you do have. Remember the Lord and His promises, always. He won't fail you, and the fact that He's eternal means that you don't have to hope for Him to come one day because He's already here. Living inside of you. Permanently. He wants to bless you, and He will, but you have to be open to it instead of running with glasses on that only see what you think is in your future.
Life may seem sucky right now, but maybe its because you're waiting for something (or someone) that only God can give you, in His own time. Enjoy what you have for now. Seek those around you and see if they need anything. Pray constantly.
That's all. Love you.
Carly
What happened, you ask?
Life. Life happened. I remember being a little freshman at the high school, four years ago, hearing the words of my senior mentors, "This year will be over before you know it. High school will be over before you know it, and you'll be graduating in the blink of an eye." I never believed them, because at that age I unsurprisingly thought that I knew everything, but here I sit. Months away from walking the stage, speaking to my class, and going off to college for another four years.
What the heck.
The worst part is that I feel... empty, I guess? I'm not sure if that's the word I'm looking for, but we'll go for it. I just feel unfulfilled, like four years have passed, and here I sit. Months away from graduation. What do I have to show for it?
Good grades?
A Scholarship?
A few new friends?
I just feel like a little furry hamster, running on this wheel because everyone else is. And there's a big piece of cheese in front of me, and that's what's keeping me going, but it's almost as if I'll never reach it. Like I keep running, thinking "Maybe I'll reach that cheese today! No? Okay, maybe tomorrow! It'll be even better tomorrow, just keep working hard!"
I know it sounds depressing, but it's healthy to be honest with myself every now and then. To exhale and know that even if things suck right now, at least I can recognize that they suck, and I'm not living this lie that everything is fine. The only way to get out of a sucky cycle is realizing that I'm in one first. So, here I sit.
I think a major problem is that I'm impatient for things in the future, because I think it'll be better. So I just keep hoping for it, like a little furry hamster on a wheel. If I keep chasing the cheese, I can never stop, really. just keep pushing forward.
Is progress bad? Of course not. It's good to set goals. I mean, I'm sitting on a full ride to college because I set that goal for myself four years ago. So goals are pretty good. But when I keep looking towards the future, I forget about the present. And if I never acknowledge where I am in the present, I'll never be able to enjoy the goals I set and achieve for myself, because when I reach one goal, I'll just be looking for another, and another, etc.
Let's take boys for example. Four years ago, I really wanted a boyfriend. I was looking really hard for one, making sure I looked just right, that my makeup was just the right amount of natural and superficial, and one day I stumbled upon one.
Then, I wanted all the stuff that comes with a relationship. As soon as I realized I had reached my "goal," per say, I wanted the next step. I wanted to get serious. I wanted to get Facebook official. I wanted to introduce him to my family. I wanted to outline our futures together. I was only fourteen, for heaven's sake.
Then, we broke up. I wanted to start all over again, and I still want to, kinda. I want to get a steady, Christian boyfriend that loves me for me, no matter how much makeup I'm wearing. I want him to make me a better person, and lift me up when I'm down. I want him to go out of his way to make me feel special. I want him to have his own goals, and support my goals, and let me support his. I want the affirmation from someone that I'm cool and funny and pretty and that I smell nice and that I have a good head on my shoulders and that I'm not completely crazy, and if I am crazy that he's okay with that because there's no one else he'd rather grow closer to Christ with than me.
But I guess I'm realizing that if I spend all my time looking for this mystical, somewhat perfect person, I just keep chasing after the piece of cheese on my stupid wheel. And when I find him, I won't even enjoy our dating because I'll be too consumed with our wedding. When we get married, I'll be too occupied with wanting to have kids that I won't be able to savor the first few years of our marriage. And then when we have kids, I'll be concerned with their futures too, which adds a whole other layer to the sandwich. It's just this never ending cycle that's constantly hoping for something more, something better, something greater... and in the meantime, I neglect what God's blessed me with in the present.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
The last line, the "so we fix our eyes" part, has always been one of my favorite verses. It's gotten me through some pretty tough times, and the hope I have in Jesus is not in vain. I'm not saying we should stop hoping for things. Christ is coming again, and that should make us happy and hopeful to encounter his New Earth.
Did you notice, though, that Paul writes, "we are being renewed day by day?" He doesn't say "One day, you'll be renewed. Just be patient, and keep hoping for what you don't have."
No, he's pretty clear when he mentions the days. Our momentary troubles are preparing us for an eternal glory, and every single DAY God is putting situations in your life to strengthen and better you. Wow that's cool.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:25, 33, 34 NIV
This time Jesus is doing the talking. So you better listen up. We are NOT to worry about stuff in the future. Let your little cheese fall down and stop running. Stop. Smell the roses. Feel the earth beneath your feet. Breath deeply, pray in every moment, and ENJOY God forever, not just one day in the future.
Don't hopelessly wait for things you don't have, forgetting what you do have. Remember the Lord and His promises, always. He won't fail you, and the fact that He's eternal means that you don't have to hope for Him to come one day because He's already here. Living inside of you. Permanently. He wants to bless you, and He will, but you have to be open to it instead of running with glasses on that only see what you think is in your future.
Life may seem sucky right now, but maybe its because you're waiting for something (or someone) that only God can give you, in His own time. Enjoy what you have for now. Seek those around you and see if they need anything. Pray constantly.
That's all. Love you.
Carly
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