What are your plans after graduation?

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If I can be brutally honest, I am sick of this question. Yes, partly because I don't know what I'm going to do after I graduate, but mostly because of something a friend helped me realize today. I'm frustrated with the "what are your plans?" question because I have always believed that ultimately, God's plans are the ones that matter, not mine.

There is such a delicate balance between grit and grace-- between sitting on your butt, waiting for blessings to fall from the sky and actually putting in the hours to make things happen. I believe God operates in the middle of this polarized spectrum, perfectly, like only He can. But it's hard, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, sometimes even physically, to walk that line in the middle... to "be still and know He is God" but then to act upon what you hear when you've heard from Him.

It's hard and it's exhausting and the "what are your plans?" question has only added to the frustration. It's almost like the world is trying to convince me I have to plan it all out, and if I don't have it all planned out, that I'm somehow failing as a student and job seeker.

I think this is largely an identity problem, though. If my identity is "student," then yeah, it's in a student's final semester to line up a job. If my identity is "job seeker," then I've got to spend all my time making myself as marketable as I can, tirelessly submitting applications, writing cover letters, updating LinkedIn profiles, etc.

I'm not either of those things, though. (Okay, I am.) But neither of those titles encompass my identity.

Before my heart was beating, before I was born, I belonged to God. He created me. He knows me. His plans for me are good and I'm called to trust that. It't not like He's ever let me down before... in fact, the times where life has seemed the hardest were largely a result of something I tried to accomplish without Him. Times when I had tried to force things, control things, be "in charge" of things because I'm not patient enough to wait for Him.

I want what God wants for me. I know His plans are better than anything I could ever imagine, so WHY is it so hard to just submit to that? Stupid human nature. Stupid sin.

I can't do it on my own strength, but the good news is that He is the One who sustains me. Here goes nothing.


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