When the bus breaks down.
This morning, I was driving to work and saw a city bus broken down on the side of the road. There weren't any people on it, but there was a service truck parked behind it, and a guy underneath on his back with a tool fixing something.
It got me thinking about things (as one often does, on a car ride to work,) and I thought I'd share. Mostly because a lot is going on right now, and I want to process how I'm feeling and what crazy, unpredictable, anxious thoughts are tumbling around in my brain.
As you can see from the time stamp of this post, the year is 2020. It's been a really, terribly, unfathomably unpredictable year for most humans on Earth for one reason or another. First, there's a literal worldwide pandemic happening right now called COVID-19. It's currently taken the lives of 1.29 million people and over 52 million have gotten the virus. It's turned almost every aspect of "everyday life" on its head.
Restaurants are closing. Bars close early. Businesses are letting people go. Governments have mandated we all wear masks in public. Hospitals are overcrowded and understaffed as more and more nurses and doctors get affected. Events are cancelled every single day, and the world has basically been existing on Zoom calls for the last 8 months now. People I love are getting sticks shoved up their nasal cavities during routine tests at work every week. It's absolutely exhausting for everyone I've met with this year (from a healthy 6-foot social distance, of course).
We've also seen a huge increase in awareness of police brutality and racial tension in the U.S, specifically. Protests and riots and marches and vigils have been taking over the streets and media outlets. People are so divided, which is hard to understand. Light is being shone on some really sad, systemic issues and as encouraged as I am to have it be brought into the light, it also hurts my heart to understand how much my friends and colleagues are hurting right now, and how that have been hurting all along.
Oh, and this is an election year. The president was chosen officially last week, after several days of unrest in the nation as we awaited the ballot counts. Trump was voted out of office and Biden and Harris (the FIRST female Vice-President EVER) are going to lead our country.
So... it's a lot.
On top of it all, on a more personal level, I got engaged to the love of my life in March of this year. Our wedding is in 2 days and new COVID regulations have somehow made us MORE anxious and confused than we already were, as we're both feeling like there's nowhere to rest our minds on because everything is changing. It's not the way it used to be. It's not even a "new normal" because everything is changing so quickly that we haven't had time to establish any rhythms or see what "normal" could look like. We haven't had time to breathe. There seems to be nothing dependable... no solid footing to ground us.
Which brings me to the bus.
This morning, in the middle of a pandemic, an election year, and a year of division our country hasn't seen in a long time, the bus broke down.
Upon reflection, I realized that there's something oddly comforting about city busses. I like how there's a set schedule, set bus fares, and set pickup / drop-off locations. I know that so many people depend on busses as their main transportation in the city. They're pretty reliable, I think, and I'd reckon to say that 99 out of 100 times, they're where they're supposed to be.
Today was one of those days, though. The bus broke down, and there was nothing the bus driver could do but wait for it to be fixed. They couldn't fix it themselves, either. When I saw the broken-down bus, all I could think about was how sad I was for the people that were riding it. I immediately looked in the bus through the windows to see how they were... did they look frustrated? Were they content just sitting and waiting? How were they handling such a disruption in their otherwise dependable morning routine?
It turns out that by the time the mechanic had arrived, the people must have been moved to another bus. The City took care of them, it seemed. Maybe I'm naïve and overly optimistic, but my assumption is that there was a backup bus there to finish the route, and it got there to rescue them pretty quickly.
Each person on the bus this morning had a story. I wondered if they all had flexible start times at work, or if they were going to be late and reprimanded by their boss. I wondered if someone was late to an interview, or an important doctor's appointment. Chances are, someone on the bus was headed somewhere important. They chose to take the risk and ride the bus... and even though it's usually really predictable, there's always a chance it could break down. And today, it did.
So, what lessons am I gleaning from this seemingly unimportant encounter with the broken-down bus?
First... busses break down sometimes. Even the most dependable systems we have can fail, and in seconds what you thought you knew to be reliable can be just the opposite. In fact, maybe the only thing we can know without fail is that everything fails sometimes. It's just the world we live in. It sounds morbid, but it's true.
Also, people are resilient. Like, the way we're able to adapt to literally everything around us changing is astounding! We have lived in a world of intense adaptation for almost a year now, and we're still chugging along. We're going with the flow and staying flexible. Mostly because we have no other option. But still.
And lastly, the world keeps spinning even when the bus breaks down. Even when 20 people's mornings were rudely interrupted by the switching of a bus, they were still able to get to wherever they were going eventually, right? The broken down bus was replaced by a new one, fully gassed and ready to go.
I'm still waiting on the other bus to come, I think. I'm sitting on the one that broke down, and I don't know how to fix the bus (I'm not a mechanic) so I sit and wait for a new one. It sounds lame... like maybe I should be rolling up my sleeves and trying to fix the bus while I wait?
Or, I can be still and know that my God, the ultimate mechanic, has got this. He's coming, and He'll make it right. There's no sense in me throwing up my hands at the bus driver, or other passengers, and screaming "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! I NEED TO GET SOMEWHERE!" because it's not their fault. It's no one's fault... the bus just breaks down sometimes.
And there's comfort in sitting on a broken down bus with other humans. How can I forge relationships with them while we wait? How can I offer them comfort, perhaps? There's no sense in misdirection my anger and frustration at them because after all, we're all in the same boat.
Or... bus.
I'm still searching for solid footing, but I know it will come, because God keeps His promises.
The first 2 verses of Psalm 40 read,
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD"
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