Not Enough or Too Much?

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 Friends, life has been absolutely crazy lately. Like, busy, wild, jam-packed, stressful, tiresome, busy, and did I mention… busy?

I don’t know why I pack my schedule so tightly, or why I insist on adding more things to my plate even when I am already drowning in to-dos. It’s all too much, and yet when I survey the work of my hands at the end of the day, I feel I’m not enough. 

I replay the failures I had, the frustrations I unleashed, and the impatient impulses that drove me to paralysis. I recount all the times I responded to someone in anger, or judged someone with hurtful thoughts, or even worse, hurtful speech.

Somehow, it doesn’t matter how hard I try to “do it all…” As long as I’m doing it all as poorly as I have been, then what’s the point?

And I’m not writing this for sympathy. I don’t want any words of encouragement. I need a wake-up call, and for the Holy Spirit to speak truth into me when I need it most. I don’t need another human’s words or actions to comfort me. I need Jesus. 

Father, I need You to come and remind me of who You say that I am. I am not Carly the frustrated teacher, the bad dog mom, or the naggy wife. I am a daughter of the Most High, Creator of the heavens and the earth. I am forgiven and beloved just the way that I am because of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for me. 

It’s not my never ending to-do list that grants me access to the Holy Spirit or the life everlasting, no matter how well (or how poorly) I do all the things. It’s Jesus. It’s His love and grace that gives me value and purpose. 

I am not my to-do list. I am not a result of how poorly I complete things on the list. I am not my shortcomings or my failures. 

Jesus, make me new. 

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