Cheerleading is my CALLING

When I was 12 years old, I learned how to do a round-off back hand-spring. It took me months of private lessons at the local YMCA and many, many awkward moments of trying to do a standing back hand-spring with my instructor "spotting me," only for me to chicken out at the last minute and come crashing into her... the full weight of my body... plummeting onto her as I apologized and said, "I'm sorry... I just can't do it!"

It was so embarrassing-- with her holding her hand under my back and supporting my awkward pre-teen body while I continuously failed, over and over, somewhere between 10-15 times a lesson.

Nevertheless, I persisted. I was able to do the thing eventually - literally once - all by myself. For a panel of cheerleading coaches during 7th-grade try-outs. And once I didn't make the team, I never did it again.

You may be asking, "Why did you do that, Carly? Why did you try so hard at something you never even kept up with? Wasn't that a waste?"

And because this seems like a "glass half-empty" or "glass half-full" situation, I realize that I can choose to either respond with: 

1. "Absolutely-  a waste of hundreds of dollars, thousands of tears, and a million embarrassing pre-teen gymnastics blunders."

OR with,

2. "Everything happens for a reason! Nothing is wasted!"

Which response will I choose? I think that's what this post is actually all about.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of a calling - or vocation, or career, or whatever you want to call it - and whether or not it exists. I think "callings" can be easily associated with the idea of finding "the one" when you're dating, which is pretty elusive and unrealistic, honestly. I'm happily married to my husband and believe that we have a healthy, thriving marriage... but not because I found my magical soul-mate on a dating app a few years ago. It wasn't one fateful moment that made everything perfect-- it's hard work and sacrifice and dedication to one another, day after day. And it's great.

But I think callings are different in that I do believe there's a certain element that is hardwired into each and every one of us - by God - that aligns with a unique way in which He calls us to grow the Kingdom and bring glory to Himself. It's not a mystical "secret sauce"  that everyone has to discover in order to live a meaningful life, but there does seem to be some truth in finding a vocation that "fits you."

I'm reading John Mark Comer's Garden City and agree with what he says about vocations-- that we must ask ourselves what we're passionate about, what we're good at, what we're bad at, what the world needs, what God is blessing, what others say about us, what doors have been opened... Basically take all of those things and find where they intersect. Chances are, that's your "vocation."

And for me, perhaps not surprisingly, it turns out becoming a professional cheerleader was not actually my calling. I was not very good, others also didn't think I was that good, and the doors were closed shut, almost immediately.

Here's the thing, too - I didn't even really like being a cheerleader. I didn't really fit in. My moves weren't great and I knew it. I was awful at the gymnastics part, and gearing up to go to all those private lessons felt like pure dread every single time. It felt forced and unnatural. That's not how callings are supposed to feel. 

And that's a silly example, because I don't think I actually ever considered cheerleading to be my "calling," BUT it's a helpful analogy. Because here's what I do think may be part of my vocation...

Cheerleading. (Confused yet?)

Maybe "encouragement" is a better word. I love to encourage others. I love speaking life and truth and hope over people. I love to call out what they're good at, or encourage them to grow in areas they aren't good at... I live to build people up. And unless I become a life coach, I don't think encouraging others in this way is a career, per say, so I thought of cheerleading instead. And here we are. (Side note: should I become a life coach? What does that even mean?)

I began college with a double major in Spanish and Psychology because I wanted to be a counselor. I went through some counseling in high school, so I knew firsthand how helpful counseling can be, and I wanted to help people, so voilà! I thought I had it in the bag. Turns out, after three weeks of Intro to Psychology, I realized it was not for me. Too much science, not enough encouraging people. 

Then I thought I wanted to work for a non-profit or a social enterprise, because I wanted to use my  entrepreneurial spirit to disrupt the markets in a way that brought justice and balance to the economy and its workers. I worked for a social enterprise for two years after graduating with two business degrees... And once again, I didn't feel I had that greater purpose - even in a purpose-driven industry - that would be able to sustain me forever. I was burnt out and visionless. 

I asked myself hard questions about the meaning of work, like why do we have to work at all? Work just seemed so futile at the time. It felt fruitless and I was living for the days I had off. Work was "the grind," and I didn't feel like I could breathe or rest because I felt like I was always "on-call," always working.

My solution? Find a job where you get more time off... In, you guessed it... education.

To be fair, that's not the only reason I went back to school to become a teacher. I was casting a vision for my family one day, wanting to be able to spend summers with my kids. I wanted a job that I could truly "unplug" from every once in a while. And I loved teaching people about the ethics behind coffee, so I thought maybe teaching was my vocation all along, hidden behind a marketing degree and years of running an urban coffee roasterie.

It turns out that teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL) in a public elementary school is not the same kind of teaching that I did back in the coffee world. It's so much harder, and more stressful, and frustrating at times... but it also has way more opportunities to speak life and hope to people. And not just any people-- the future generations of this world! 

So why do I still feel like I am searching for meaning, or affirmation of a "calling?" Am I putting too much stock into the whole idea? Is a job truly "just a job?" like I've been told?

I'm going to keep reading, keep praying, and keep writing to find out... So stay tuned.