Three Reasons Why Dating a Christian Might (Actually) Be the Right Thing to Do

I have a confession to make. Up until this very moment, I had lived my life following God's Word to the best of my abilities-- except when it came to one all-consuming, worldly thing. Boys.

You can laugh at my choices of phrasing, because I'm laughing at myself. I somehow thought that if I followed God in most aspects of my life, specifically the parts that were easy to do so, that I would be okay... that following Him when it was comfortable would be good enough.

And when it came to relationships-- to "talking" and "dating" and "spending the rest of my life with someone--" I just kind of went rogue and did my own thing. God was there to help me pick up the pieces after my failed relationships, but I rarely looked to Him in the middle of them. And it wasn't bad enough to stop thinking about God during these flings; I blatantly ignored what His Word said about relationships, and love in general.

I wasn't oblivious to what God said, I just chose not to listen. It's like when your parents tell you not to touch the stove and you do it anyway. Like when our Father told us not to eat the apple and we ate it anyway. I touched the stove, I ate the apple, and I dated an unbeliever. And here I sit, on Valentine's Day 2015, hurting.

So for all of you out there that question whether this whole "do not be yoked together with unbelievers" thing is legit, can I please try my hardest to persuade you that God is not lying? Paul is not lying. Your parents, your pastors, and friends are not lying. 

And I know that no matter how many times you get told this, you still may want to try it out for yourself. I did. But now I have a big ol' burn on my hand from the stove, and it hurts like you-know-what. So I'm trying really hard to prevent you from getting burnt, too.

Maybe it's not enough for you to just trust me, though. That's cool. I get it. Maybe you've never even met me, so maybe you're skeptical. As a result of this, for all you doubters out there that need a little cold, hard truth...

Here's Why Dating a Christian Might (Actually) Be the Right Thing to Do:

1. The Yoke is no Joke

I always had a hard time rationalizing why dating an unbeliever was frowned upon in the church. When we were younger, we were taught to make disciples all the time, and tell everyone about Jesus, so it made sense to marry an unbeliever, right? So you could "bring them to Jesus?" But then we grew up a little, ditched this childlike innocence and realized that God didn't say those things in the Bible, and what He did say was so different.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

-2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV

I don't know about you, but I had to be taught what "yoked" meant when I was first introduced to this verse. Turns out it has nothing to do with eggs. It's referring to the yokes that animals would wear when plowing the fields and carrying stuff... often two animals would be yoked together like this:

And if they were the same animals, they would be able to pull the load a lot easier than say... a horse and a rabbit. It wouldn't be very productive because the rabbit would always be dragging the horse down. I probably should have chosen more normal animals for this analogy, but you get the point.

Paul is warning the Corinthians that being "yoked together with unbelievers" is always going to pull the believer down. He's not saying the unbeliever is "worse" than the believer, or "lower," but that believers and unbelievers are two different animals, in a sense. They have different needs, different intentions, and their eyes are fixed on different things. The horse is reaching up for the apple tree and the rabbit has his eyes fixed on the grassy ground beneath them. They're working against each other.

And maybe that's why God doesn't want us to date/marry someone who doesn't believe in Him. Because without our eyes fixed on something eternal and heavenly, we're doing the opposite. Without living in the light, we're living in darkness. And whether or not you can see it right now, trust me when I say that in the long run, it will make a difference. Your load will become nearly impossible to carry when your partner is dragging you in a different direction. And no matter how strong you thought you could be for the both of you, it'll never accomplish the tasks that could have been accomplished if you had someone alongside you that was working with you, towards eternal goals.

2. Faith is more that just Being a Good Person

I know what you're thinking, friend. It's the argument that I have told myself many a times... the snare that the devil uses to convince us that the apple isn't that dangerous. "Eat up," he chants, "it's not that big of a deal to date an unbeliever! He's such a nice guy!" Faith is more than just being a good date. It's more than using manners and having a good handshake and paying for the meal, people. There's a difference between who you call Lord and what your parents taught you was polite date etiquette. Faith is a lifestyle that is drastically different from the rest of the world. Paul continues in 2 Corinthians 6:

...Come out from them
    and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
    and I will receive you.

-vs. 17 NIV

Jesus tells us to be "holy," which means "set apart." He recognizes that there is a difference between believers and unbelievers, even if they both put their napkins on their laps and help elderly women cross the street. 

I have told myself so many times that somehow, miraculously, being a good person and being a Christian are synonymous. I wouldn't date a huge jerk, okay? I have some standards! The guy I dated was one of the good ones- super nice, and polite, and classy, and you get the point. I was willing to overlook the whole "I am an atheist" comment because it was surrounded by so many nice words. I was blinded, a little. 

And I didn't understand, the whole entire time, why it was such a big deal if he didn't know God. At the time, it seemed like everything else he did lined up with Scripture! He was hospitable, he served others, he was loyal and had a ton of integrity. So why did it matter that he never acknowledged God in his life?

Because faith is more than being nice. I honestly never believed that until now- I always thought faith was a nice bonus, and I had even asked people, "why is it so important to date/marry believers?" My answers weren't all that convincing. "Because you can talk about faith stuff with them" and "You can comfort each other after someone in the family died," made sense, but those were the only acceptable "reasons" for dating a Christian that I had previously encountered. Those two and the ever-so-convincing "Because God said so."

*Side note: isn't that the most important reason to believe something is true? Because God said so? God is in charge. God knows what's best. God says it, so believe it.*

If only it were that simple, right? I found out the hard way that faith is more than being nice and here's how:

One of my favorite Bible verses talks about faith- it defines, it, actually.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

-Hebrews 11:1 NIV

So let me break it down for you. Part of faith is the literal thing we've been taught, "believing in what you can't see," but it's also something more-- something important. It's "confidence in what we hope for." It's like you know that you're going to do and see and experience great things, so you're confident. You're hopeful. Faith allows you to hope for wonderful moments.

Through faith, I can confidently see the light at the end of the tunnel when things seem to be falling apart. I can confidently hope for my wedding day. For the day that I get my dream career, or the day that my children are born. I am not worried, because faith allows me to wait for these things in the expectation that God will make them beautiful. That is such an incredibly overlooked aspect of faith, I think.

People think faith is simply believing in God's sovereignty or believing that Jesus died on the cross. And yeah, these are important foundations for faith, but as your faith strengthens, you can begin to gain an increased sense of hope and confidence. You begin to throw away fear- fear in death, fear in uncertainty, fears of the future. You can do this because you know God and you know that by living for Him, He's got you covered.

Pardon my redundancy, but believers don't believe that.

It can make for a pretty bleak outlook on life, but even if the unbeliever is a pretty optimistic person, he/she will never understand the hope that you have. Unbelievers will never grasp it for themselves, so long as they don't know and accept the sovereignty, love, and sacrifice of Christ.

So you tell me: do you think it will be easy spend the rest of your life with someone who is literally incapable of being truly confident and hopeful like you are? Do you think it'll be pleasant to plan your life with someone who doesn't understand that God has it all in His hands? 

The answer is no, it will not be easy or pleasant. You'll be working towards this future with that person, and they just won't understand the big picture. They can't believe in things that  they can't see. They fear for the future, having nothing to assure them that it will all be okay. It kills me to see people without hope in miracles. Perhaps that’s why they are all so pragmatic. So literal. So realistic. They had never experienced the joy of trusting in a Power greater than themselves. They'll never be able to surrender to fate, to God’s perfect plan for their lives... never be able to throw up their arms and say “I trust you, God. Help me stop worrying about the future and live each day with this person I love for as long as time permits.”

Whether or not someone is nice is one thing. Whether or not they're able to believe in a God that loves them and has marvelous plans for their lives is another. Faith is not just an important quality to have, but a crucial one. It's absolutely necessary. Why would God waste His time saying so if it weren't true?

3. Complete Love Comes from God Alone

It's no secret that there are many meanings of the word "love." I'm not going to get into them in depth, but you should at least know that there are romantic types of love, familial types of love, friendship love, and the unconditional love of God. In Greek: eros, storge, philia, and agape.

The most important type, the one that the Bible discusses a lot with the famous 1 Corinthians 13 passage, is agape. I normally think including definitions in these types of discussions is cliche and unoriginal, but here's what Wikipedia says agape is:

Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē^[1]) means "love: esp. brotherly love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God."^[2]Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter," 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as brotherly love, affection, good will, love, and benevolence.^[3] Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit). Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one's children and the feelings for a spouse, and it was also used to refer to a love feast.^[3]

I bolded the part that I found was most interesting. True love that comes from God is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13,) and this is what separates this special, unique, God-centered love from the rest of them.

In order to have the complete, sacrificial love that God has called us towards, we must utilize His agape love, not love for worldly things. 

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Soninto the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

-1 John 4:7-12 NIV

Love comes from God. His love is made complete when we love others with the same sacrificial love by which He loves us. Not by buying flowers or writing love songs, but by sacrificing like He did. God wants us to experience this complete love, and it's very hard (some would say impossible, but only God knows that,) to love someone with God's love if you don't know God. If you don't accept His sacrifice (Jesus,) how can you fully know and implement sacrificial love in your own lives?

My point is that God loves you this Valentines Day. He wants what is absolutely best for you, and you can only accept His blessings by living alongside Him... not by believing 98% of what He says, but the whole thing. Don't ignore His instruction. Save yourself from heartbreak. Listen to your parents, your pastors, your friends, your Savior. Wait in hopeful expectation for the right (Christian) partner, knowing God will never leave you while you wait.