Seasons, Meantimes, and Waiting
So, I'm a single college student and it's summertime. This may seem like an average statement but when you break it down, it becomes much clearer the confusion I face at this time in my life:
1. I'm single. (translation: I don't have a husband, a boyfriend, a lover, or a fling, or anything of that nature)
2. I am a college student. (translation: I'm surrounded by a hookup culture that is fueled by a reverent belief in "living in the moment" and "only living once" and basically intentionally screwing up because it's what everyone does at this age)
3. It's summertime. (translation: I'm bored sometimes, I miss my friends, and everyone and their sister is getting married and posting cute relationship pictures on social media 24/7)
Put them all together and BOOM-- I've been struggling lately with singledom.
Everyone seems to have their own opinions on this "stage" in life, and they've been quite adamant about sharing them with me. Mostly regrets, I assume... things they wish they would have done when they were "my age," "during this time in their lives" etc.
But I'm sick and tired of people using these cute little phrases to describe my hurt. They're sugarcoating everything with "embrace the season you're in!" and "live while you're young!" and "this is this time in your life where being single is a good thing!" because "you can find out who you are!" so "don't worry, because you're just being patient!" and "you're in a time of waiting!"
Translation: Just try to enjoy being lonely and wait. Wait for something better. Understand the season you're in and settle into it. Get comfy, because you don't know how long it'll take.
And I appreciate the sentiments... I really do... but when you're a single college student during the summertime, it's hard enough to find peace with whatever this stage/season/time that I'm inhabiting is... and all the advice and inspirational quotes and Bible verses that people are posting just get jumbled up and I'm confused. And single. And a college student. And it's summer.
You get the point.
And I know everyone is different and has different struggles but I also know I'm not the only one who has felt like I do... so how do we get out of this funk?
Well, we have to trust. (Let me explain.)
I trust in this all-knowing, all-powerful God that has a grand, masterful plan for my life. Nothing I can do right now will alter what He has in store for me because He is in charge. According to Proverbs 16, the Lord establishes my plans. Psalm 139 says that He wrote every day in His book before one of them came to be.
With that being said, I feel we have two options as Christians.
The first option is what a lot of people do. Heck, I get tricked into taking this option from time to time too. It's when women know that God has final plans but they look for ways to manipulate His timing. They feed these mantras to themselves and in think to themselves, "God's plans will happen, but only if I'm patient."
Or maybe, "I need to get myself ready for my future husband, and only when I'm ready will God send him to me."
Or perhaps they think, "I need to focus all my energy on perfecting my mindset so that when I'm okay with being single, then God will bring me my husband."
Or my personal favorite, "I need to love myself first before God will allow me to love someone else."
Some of these bumper-stickers have merit. It's important to prepare your heart for marriage, and being okay with where God has you, and loving who God is creating you to be. I'll give you that.
But the problems arise when we think that God is just sitting up in heaven watching and waiting for us to do something.
I've heard it said that it's like we think we're little rats, running around a maze, trying to get to the exit and God is just watching from above, laughing. He has the cheese we're after, but He somehow is unable to give it to us until we finish the maze. When we figure it out then He'll give it to us.
How twisted is that? The Bible doesn't say we need to do anything but trust. It doesn't say, "be better, then I'll bless you," or "you're not perfect enough for my plans to grace your life yet." When we walk with Him, trusting, there's absolutely nothing holding us back. There aren't any special hoops to jump through before we can live a meaningful life with God. We don't have to wait to love others or help change hearts in Christ's name.
God's special plan for your life (which is a real, true thing, by the way,) is not dependent on how perfect you are right now. If you think you have to wait until you're doing it all right before you can meet that special someone, you're going to be waiting forever. The truth is, this life is a process and you're continually morphing and transforming into the Likeness of Christ. It's not a button you press at the end of the maze, friends. It's a life-long walk.
So, then, the second option is to trust in God's goodness and walk with Him down the paths He is leading you. I've heard that you can either let go (of your need for perfection, your obsession with being "ready" or "better" or whatever it may be,) or you can be dragged.
God's story for your life is unfolding right now! You're breathing and your heart is beating so don't just "wait," using this as a "season" to prepare yourself. Preparing is another form of planning which is another form of controlling. And you can't do that, silly. Only God is in control.
Start living your life full-speed ahead, trusting in the wonderful plans He has.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Erin:
1. I'm single. (translation: I don't have a husband, a boyfriend, a lover, or a fling, or anything of that nature)
2. I am a college student. (translation: I'm surrounded by a hookup culture that is fueled by a reverent belief in "living in the moment" and "only living once" and basically intentionally screwing up because it's what everyone does at this age)
3. It's summertime. (translation: I'm bored sometimes, I miss my friends, and everyone and their sister is getting married and posting cute relationship pictures on social media 24/7)
Put them all together and BOOM-- I've been struggling lately with singledom.
Everyone seems to have their own opinions on this "stage" in life, and they've been quite adamant about sharing them with me. Mostly regrets, I assume... things they wish they would have done when they were "my age," "during this time in their lives" etc.
But I'm sick and tired of people using these cute little phrases to describe my hurt. They're sugarcoating everything with "embrace the season you're in!" and "live while you're young!" and "this is this time in your life where being single is a good thing!" because "you can find out who you are!" so "don't worry, because you're just being patient!" and "you're in a time of waiting!"
Translation: Just try to enjoy being lonely and wait. Wait for something better. Understand the season you're in and settle into it. Get comfy, because you don't know how long it'll take.
And I appreciate the sentiments... I really do... but when you're a single college student during the summertime, it's hard enough to find peace with whatever this stage/season/time that I'm inhabiting is... and all the advice and inspirational quotes and Bible verses that people are posting just get jumbled up and I'm confused. And single. And a college student. And it's summer.
You get the point.
And I know everyone is different and has different struggles but I also know I'm not the only one who has felt like I do... so how do we get out of this funk?
Well, we have to trust. (Let me explain.)
I trust in this all-knowing, all-powerful God that has a grand, masterful plan for my life. Nothing I can do right now will alter what He has in store for me because He is in charge. According to Proverbs 16, the Lord establishes my plans. Psalm 139 says that He wrote every day in His book before one of them came to be.
With that being said, I feel we have two options as Christians.
The first option is what a lot of people do. Heck, I get tricked into taking this option from time to time too. It's when women know that God has final plans but they look for ways to manipulate His timing. They feed these mantras to themselves and in think to themselves, "God's plans will happen, but only if I'm patient."
Or maybe, "I need to get myself ready for my future husband, and only when I'm ready will God send him to me."
Or perhaps they think, "I need to focus all my energy on perfecting my mindset so that when I'm okay with being single, then God will bring me my husband."
Or my personal favorite, "I need to love myself first before God will allow me to love someone else."
Some of these bumper-stickers have merit. It's important to prepare your heart for marriage, and being okay with where God has you, and loving who God is creating you to be. I'll give you that.
But the problems arise when we think that God is just sitting up in heaven watching and waiting for us to do something.
I've heard it said that it's like we think we're little rats, running around a maze, trying to get to the exit and God is just watching from above, laughing. He has the cheese we're after, but He somehow is unable to give it to us until we finish the maze. When we figure it out then He'll give it to us.
How twisted is that? The Bible doesn't say we need to do anything but trust. It doesn't say, "be better, then I'll bless you," or "you're not perfect enough for my plans to grace your life yet." When we walk with Him, trusting, there's absolutely nothing holding us back. There aren't any special hoops to jump through before we can live a meaningful life with God. We don't have to wait to love others or help change hearts in Christ's name.
God's special plan for your life (which is a real, true thing, by the way,) is not dependent on how perfect you are right now. If you think you have to wait until you're doing it all right before you can meet that special someone, you're going to be waiting forever. The truth is, this life is a process and you're continually morphing and transforming into the Likeness of Christ. It's not a button you press at the end of the maze, friends. It's a life-long walk.
So, then, the second option is to trust in God's goodness and walk with Him down the paths He is leading you. I've heard that you can either let go (of your need for perfection, your obsession with being "ready" or "better" or whatever it may be,) or you can be dragged.
God's story for your life is unfolding right now! You're breathing and your heart is beating so don't just "wait," using this as a "season" to prepare yourself. Preparing is another form of planning which is another form of controlling. And you can't do that, silly. Only God is in control.
Start living your life full-speed ahead, trusting in the wonderful plans He has.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Erin:
I love you, you're beautifully created, and every promise God makes to His children most definitely applies to you, too. Trust in His promises alone.
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