This Just Doesn't Make Sense
Hello. It's Christmas Eve and I have a lot on my mind. Time to vent.
WARNING: This isn't a fluffy Christmas post about hot chocolate and snowmen. It may challenge you to rethink your behavior and may encourage you to make some changes. It sure did for me.
Recently I've just been in this weird, disillusioned stupor. Nothing really makes sense lately, which I know is a really vague statement, so I'll try to give you some specifics.
1. I turned 20 years old. And it does NOT feel like I should be in my 20's. People get married when they're 20. People have babies. They get jobs and pay bills and live in their own homes and pay mortgage and move away from their families and it's FREAKING ME OUT.
2. It's Christmas and it does NOT feel like it because of the temperature. (Climate disruption, perhaps?) It's 60 degrees and last night my grandma's power went out because of a violent rainstorm. Not snowstorm. Rainstorm.
3. It's Christmas and it does NOT feel like it because... well... I haven't been to church in a few months. Or really talked about Christ and His goodness. Or really thought about Him, personally.
And after sitting in a candle-lit service at church this evening with my family, I felt kind of out of place. I just kept thinking "It's Christmas already? I haven't even thought about Jesus!" And I was just looking around at all of the people and thinking about those in my life whom I love desperately that don't know Christ and it burned in my heart. "Yep. It is Christmas already. And I almost missed it."
I simply was not ready to receive the message of Christmas because until that very moment, it had been all about me. And it's a little cliche, but it was all about the gifts this year, and buying for my friends, and my family, and my boyfriend, and his family, and I got so caught up that I felt like a traitor singing Christmas carols before the altar. I know that's not how God sees me, but it just felt... different.
And then I thought about all the hurt that is going on in our world today. I thought about refugees. And the apparent hatred my country has for people from the Middle East. I thought of bombings, and shootings, and war, and racism, and my heart kept hurting. I thought of strife in the families of those I care about, and within my own family. I thought of the tension that exists between people I love. I thought about the pain that people are experiencing because of the loss of loved ones, and how much that SUCKS around Christmastime.
I thought about how much people like to pretend they care about all of these causes, and how much people love to jump on an opinion-train and rant about these injustices, and then do absolutely nothing to actually love those affected by sin. People like me.
My heart hurts. I'm aching for a Savior that I know came in the form of a little baby thousands of years ago, and I'm yearning for Him to restore peace to this world. To His people. And to my heart.
The thing that doesn't make sense the most is that I want so badly for the world to be fixed, and I want God to roll in on a golden chariot and start making things better, but that's not how He works. I keep waiting for Him to do something, as I sit here and hang my head in shame, but the thing that just doesn't make sense is that He sent ME to love people. And I forgot He was even there.
He sent us to bring peace to a world surrounded by conflict. He sent us to be compassionate, and full of His love and grace. I'm not talking about anyone specific when I say this, but collectively, as a whole, as God's people, we aren't doing a very good job.
And I know it's not all about works, and we can never earn or lose God's love, but I think all of us can admit that we're innately human and flawed and so darn SELFISH and our world is crumbling before our eyes and we need to kick things up a notch. For Heaven's sake.
I'm sorry if this isn't the hopeful message you hoped to find this Christmas. The good news is that it is never too late to turn back around and head towards His guiding Light. I encourage you to start seeing yourself as an important, valued part of God's peaceful army today.
I know: a peaceful army doesn't make sense either. But what the heck.
We're called to be Light in the darkness and Love where there is hatred. There's a whole lot of darkness and a whole lot of hatred, so let's walk with God to bring His perfect peace to this broken, hurting world.
Go give someone a hug. Send a message to someone you haven't talked to in a while. Apologize. Reconcile. Donate your time and money and whatever else you can. Love people-- deeply and fully and without reservations.
Maybe the last-minute present wrapping can wait.
WARNING: This isn't a fluffy Christmas post about hot chocolate and snowmen. It may challenge you to rethink your behavior and may encourage you to make some changes. It sure did for me.
Recently I've just been in this weird, disillusioned stupor. Nothing really makes sense lately, which I know is a really vague statement, so I'll try to give you some specifics.
1. I turned 20 years old. And it does NOT feel like I should be in my 20's. People get married when they're 20. People have babies. They get jobs and pay bills and live in their own homes and pay mortgage and move away from their families and it's FREAKING ME OUT.
2. It's Christmas and it does NOT feel like it because of the temperature. (Climate disruption, perhaps?) It's 60 degrees and last night my grandma's power went out because of a violent rainstorm. Not snowstorm. Rainstorm.
3. It's Christmas and it does NOT feel like it because... well... I haven't been to church in a few months. Or really talked about Christ and His goodness. Or really thought about Him, personally.
And after sitting in a candle-lit service at church this evening with my family, I felt kind of out of place. I just kept thinking "It's Christmas already? I haven't even thought about Jesus!" And I was just looking around at all of the people and thinking about those in my life whom I love desperately that don't know Christ and it burned in my heart. "Yep. It is Christmas already. And I almost missed it."
I simply was not ready to receive the message of Christmas because until that very moment, it had been all about me. And it's a little cliche, but it was all about the gifts this year, and buying for my friends, and my family, and my boyfriend, and his family, and I got so caught up that I felt like a traitor singing Christmas carols before the altar. I know that's not how God sees me, but it just felt... different.
And then I thought about all the hurt that is going on in our world today. I thought about refugees. And the apparent hatred my country has for people from the Middle East. I thought of bombings, and shootings, and war, and racism, and my heart kept hurting. I thought of strife in the families of those I care about, and within my own family. I thought of the tension that exists between people I love. I thought about the pain that people are experiencing because of the loss of loved ones, and how much that SUCKS around Christmastime.
I thought about how much people like to pretend they care about all of these causes, and how much people love to jump on an opinion-train and rant about these injustices, and then do absolutely nothing to actually love those affected by sin. People like me.
My heart hurts. I'm aching for a Savior that I know came in the form of a little baby thousands of years ago, and I'm yearning for Him to restore peace to this world. To His people. And to my heart.
The thing that doesn't make sense the most is that I want so badly for the world to be fixed, and I want God to roll in on a golden chariot and start making things better, but that's not how He works. I keep waiting for Him to do something, as I sit here and hang my head in shame, but the thing that just doesn't make sense is that He sent ME to love people. And I forgot He was even there.
He sent us to bring peace to a world surrounded by conflict. He sent us to be compassionate, and full of His love and grace. I'm not talking about anyone specific when I say this, but collectively, as a whole, as God's people, we aren't doing a very good job.
And I know it's not all about works, and we can never earn or lose God's love, but I think all of us can admit that we're innately human and flawed and so darn SELFISH and our world is crumbling before our eyes and we need to kick things up a notch. For Heaven's sake.
I'm sorry if this isn't the hopeful message you hoped to find this Christmas. The good news is that it is never too late to turn back around and head towards His guiding Light. I encourage you to start seeing yourself as an important, valued part of God's peaceful army today.
I know: a peaceful army doesn't make sense either. But what the heck.
We're called to be Light in the darkness and Love where there is hatred. There's a whole lot of darkness and a whole lot of hatred, so let's walk with God to bring His perfect peace to this broken, hurting world.
Go give someone a hug. Send a message to someone you haven't talked to in a while. Apologize. Reconcile. Donate your time and money and whatever else you can. Love people-- deeply and fully and without reservations.
Maybe the last-minute present wrapping can wait.
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